the Simple Stuf

1 Month Ago...

a lot changed for us.

A few observations:
* I love my wife
* I love my daughter

* I love house church
* I love our house church
* House church is our niche
* I can't imagine...
* I love preaching in strange places (Kenton last week) to people I don't know. It is refreshing and exciting to meet new people and speak the truth.
* I love using my gift of encouragment and friendship more in district and local ministry areas.
* I love the eccumenical amazingness that is going on in Findlay
* I can't believe how much hope God has infused into our future
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* I am really into my job.
* I am a workaholic. It was not the church's nor God's fault. It is my nature, especially if I enjoy what I am doing... and get paid for it.
* I am very driven and assertive in the workplace
* I like responsibility
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* Sometimes I am confused about what the truth is lately
* Sometimes I feel a bit bewildered
* Sometimes I am afraid I could lose sight of "my call" if I weren't careful, and get too caught up in my work
* Sometimes I sense that I am too critical of others and other churches.
* Sometimes I feel that if I really shared my gut level feelings no one would like who I truly am.
* Sometimes I am confident I know nothing.
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* I found a lot of value in being on staff/a pastor/clergy. I have had to deal with the fact that I can't misplace my worth in that vocation any longer. I must find my worth/value in God alone. I just really don't know what that means half the time.
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I really didn't mean for this post to go half as deep as it did.

A Sign of Hope

Many of my friends question the sanity of remaining a part of the Church of the Nazarene. Brandon and Chris have discussed this recently and I included some links in a previous post. NTS recently held a 2-3 day conferece called The Emergent Nazarene Conference... that wasn't the title, but it was the point.

A site that Brandon referred many of us to a few months ago, Emergent Nazarenes, has an amazing summary of the conference. Brian Hull, a friend of mine who is the director of NYC, and on staff at headquarters, also wrote a breif review and reflection. Brian has been an encouragment and source of hope for many already in the youth world of the Nazarene church, and I was glad they invited him to speak at this conference. I find both summaries very helpful and very insightful. For those who weren't there, but would have liked to be, it will be encouraging. It is like the CliffsNotes for the conference.

Also, check out this video by James Diggs. He grew up Nazarene, has been on staff at a non-denominational church for a few years, and is planting a Nazarene church out of the non-denominational church. I have never heard of the Nazarenes partnering with anyone like this. I had heard that the Mid-Atlantic district was stepping outside the box, and is encouraging to see this partnership. This video is the one presented the entire district assembly to launch the idea.

Well... I am off to my first day of work! This is so crazy.

Trick or Treat

Some Christians get pretty bent out of shape about Halloween, but the Smith family from Findlay doesn't have a big problem with using this night for a little bit o fun.

We started inviting our friends over for dinner, dessert and to hand out candy with us 3 years ago, and it is a blast. I think it is a little intimidating for some of the kids when there are 8-10 adults outside the house laughing, singing, playing guitar (last year) and offering them candy, but when they are walking away I am pretty sure they are glad they stopped by. We bring a lot of energy to Trick or Treat Night. We tell every single kid how cute they are, joke around with them, talk to the parents and try to spread a little joy throughout the evening.

Last Thursday night (our Trick or Treat night) I realized something.... Trick or Treat is the only time of the year in our culture/country where the majority of Americans open their doors and give away their possessions for free. Sure, it is just a couple hundred pieces of candy, but it is still something. For many people it is the only time of the year that they even see, let alone talk to, their neighbors. We handed candy out for an hour and 15 minutes last night to over 160 kids. Then we hit our street with our cute kids (see my updated pictures). Kelly and I know quite a few of our neighbors, but we met three new ones last night (4 & 5 houses down)!

We always focus on the bad attributes of Halloween, but we have chosen to just celebrate the positives of Trick or Treat. There is so much good about that night if you don't get all caught up in the fright and fear, but focus on the spreading of joy and giving away of some enjoyable item. If you were here with us last night I think you would agree!

One last thing... my daughter spread some joy last night for sure with this outfit below, (made by her mother dearest ). For more pictures you can visit Halle's own site. Oh yes, I just posted a picture. I am stepping it up on this blogging thing finally.

Wow! Who could resist giving this girl all the candy they had. I couldn't!

Abandoning The Church?

I have been reading blogs today... for much of the morning, and it has been so good to catch up, read the conversations about faith and peek in on many of your journeys.

Brandon's blog and Chris' response got me to thinking, so I am reposting my response on Chris' blog. As I read their blogs referring to conflict of abandoning vs. remaining in/redeeming the church (not exactly, but it is what I have read into it or seen in the comments) I felt the urge to join in the conversation, due to my recent life transition. There have been many question thrown our way concerning this issue in our lives. Are we leaving Findlay First? Yes. Are we leaving the denomination? Nope. Why not? Long story, but I hear many others who share many aspects of it (Brian Hull, Brandon Sipes, John Ballenger, Brian Postlewait, among others). Anyways, if you want the context for this post read Brandon's post and Chris' response above, but here are my thoughts...
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I have appreciated being a part of a "group of people with whom I often disagree" for the past 5+ years, but it has also been draining. What I have found is that the draining element was not the people, but the other staff, pressures on the staff as a whole, the expectations of what questions could or could not be asked, and what issues could or could not be raised. I loved the people of my church family, and felt that we could not choose to leave them (and perhaps would not have for quite some time, even a few years), but the freedom we now feel is a constant confirmation that we were faithful until our time there was complete.

The finances of our church encouraged Kelly and I to take this leap now rather than later, but even if they weren't an influence the leap was needed. We do not see it as abandoning them because they are still our friends, our family, our extended body of Christ. We realize our presence has brought that community of believers to very new places. Our questions have become their questions. Our crises of ecclesiology their crises of ecclesiology. Our refreshed understanding of being a disciple, theirs as well. We have received from them and given to them and we are both the better for it.

We remain Nazarenes, although we don't have a "home church". We remain a part of this tribe because we believe there is hope. We believe there is an acknowledged need to discover new wineskins. We believe there is a hesitant desire to birth new communities that do not replicate the old, but are a fresh discovery of a new way of "doing church". We believe there is value in our spiritual heritage and theology, much of which we have lost through poor practice and the desire to be all things to all people. So, we have chosen to leave our place of worship, but not abandon our tribe.

We plan to travel, to spread the Word, to encourage deeper community, to rediscover the life of a disciple, to re-examine loving our neighbor. We aim not to replace the old wineskins, but to help our people discover new ones and to help repair those that are broken if needed. To help our people connect with other tribes in more meaningful and central ways. Most of all to be disciples ourselves, following our rabbi, seeking His path for our lives, to live life with an intentional community of fellow travelers, to bring light to dark places, to love the loveless and to further discover the Kingdom of God in the process.

Last Sunday

Tomorrow is my last Sunday/last day at FFCN.
5 years. 3 months. 22 days. Done.

wow.

Life changes quickly, but this change is so clearly led by our Lord.
We are more excited about the Kingdom of God and living life within the body of Christ than we have been in a really long time. The Lord has been moving in our lives at such a rapid rate we are just hanging on for the ride, surrender to his direction and ready to see to where and what kinds of things He leads us.

In 25 hours I am officially no longer paid staff at a church, for the first time since I graduate college.

Finally!...

I can start blogging again. I had a major block because I felt like I couldn't mention the company on here until after I was hired. So, I just couldn't blog because I was withholding such a major item that was domination my conciousness.

Anyways...
It is official.

My last day in the office was today. My last day at church is Sunday, buy my last day in Findlay may be a long, long time from now. Time has flown by!

For now Kelly and I feel like the Lord wants us to stay put. I accepted a position today at the fastest growing company in town. I am blown away that the Lord has opened this door for me so quickly. The name of the company is The Right Thing Inc and we do employment process outsourcing, which is a fancy way of saying that we streamline human resources for other companies. The company is a little over 3 years old and was voted the 3rd best small company to work for in America this past year. I absolutely fell in love with the way they do things during the interview process and can't wait to start.

The really cool thing is that they have a unique part-time employee system which allows you to choose your hours. You can work 1 hour a week or 40 hours a week, or more if you receive the ok. The real benefit of this is that if you have something important going on, you can just take that day off, and hopefully make up for it on the other days that week. The reason this is so appealing to me is that is allows me to travel on the weekends if I have the opportunity.

I really feel the Lord leading me to travel and speak/teach/preach at churches, youth events, seminars and any other opportunity that comes my way. In fact, this is going to me my primary ministry. This job will provide me with the flexibility to make this happen. I have been feeling the pull to do this for quite some time, and can't wait to put it into action. I have already recevied three invitations in the past two weeks, which once again blows me away!

The Lord is doing great things and we are excited to see where He leads us. Keep us in your prayers through this transition. I am going to attempt to complete 75% of my thesis for my M.A., during the month of November, before I begin working full-time at the end of the month... just to relieve some of the pressures while starting a new job. I trust the Lord is doing great things in your lives as well. Keep us updated! I would love to hear from you. I will share more about what life is starting to look like for us in this new era in the days ahead.

My new e-mail is: jameswilliamsmith@gmail.com

Peace to you friends.

Did I mention...

I resigned. For those of your who called, e-mailed or posted I already sent you the details, but I thought I should catch the rest of you up... if you didn't already read my wife's blog. I may post details later, but if you want to know more about why let me know and I will forward you the e-mail I sent out.

The big news happened post-resignation Sunday. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to find a job that would capture my interest. Last Tuesday I was talking to a friend who is planting a church in town and he told me about this company his wife was working for in town. It sounded interesting so I went to their website that night to look around. I was so impressed with them that I applied the next day. Today a friend of ours called to let me know he talked to the owner today and told him about me. The owner wants me to call him tomorrow for an interview. Tomorrow! I am so excited. I can't wait. Send up your prayers for me tomorrow between 9:30am and 10:00am, because that is when I am going to call him.

We really covet your support and prayers friends.

P.S. I also went to MVNU and spent a couple hours with Joe Noonan today, which naturally brought some much needed clarity to my thought process.

A Significant Visit

So... I had a visitor last night for a couple of hours. The visit will result in some major changes in our lives. I don't know who reads this, so I really can't post details on here. So, this is how I will do this. Post your e-mail or send me at e-mail using the link on the right and I will send you my "unpublished blog entry". I value the extended community that we share on-line with many of you and don't want to neglect that, but I also do not want to reveal details on such a public forum.

I hope this makes sense. If you would rather call, that is fine as well. 419.788.0390.

I don't want this to take away from the conversation three posts ago with Brad and others. Please feel free to chime in on that when you get a chance.

Blessings.

Tick, Tock

tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock...explanation coming

Tomorrow

Tomorrow could be "life-changing".
I can't say why yet, but I am so anxious I am not sure I can sleep. It is an excited type of anxious though, an anticipatory anxiousness, either way, whatever happens.

I kind of feel like I did the day before Cedar Point Day. I was always so excited/anxious for the day to be there. I would go to bed and try to make myself fall to sleep, so that when I woke up the next day would have arrived... Christmas was the same story.

The problem about tomorrow is that I have to wait all day/night and perhaps until the next day! Oh gosh. Details will follow, but please pray. Pray for direction, clarity, peace... peace.

Gracias.

lukewarm

Our sermon today was about not being Lukewarm, which was ironic for me. I wouldn't say I am lukewarm though. I am just dry... I think there is a difference. I hope so.
Well... P. Mike came right out and said that our church is lukewarm. He said it.

At small group we processed it a bit. We all feel it is sadly true and tried to track down why that is and how that changes. We talked about those who have been "hot" at some point, only to see it doused by someone else's cold shoulder, harsh words or intentional smirk. We talked about what we could do to make a difference. We talked about what it is that sucks life from believers when they get sucked into the vortex of the institutional church. I shared that I think it is mostly because most of what we do at church is not natural, most of the way we "do" church is not natural. There didn't seem to be much dissension on that point, much to my surprise.

It was a great time together. A great conversation. An honest look at who we are and who we need to be as a church.

There is other news to share concerning our church, but I think I am required to wait a few days before I can't vent it on here.

Dry

I have been "dry" for a couple weeks, but it feels like much longer. Do you know what I mean? I mean... really, really dry. Spiritually. Emotionally. Mentally.

The way that manifests itself in my life:
* I am more selfish
* I am short with others
* I am touchy
* I am self-conscious (the slightly more manly way of saying sensitive)
* I am somewhat mean
* I am easily angered
* Kelly gets the brunt of all of this. I have been tough on her, which sucks.

It seems to me like all of these manifestations point to a poor spiritual state in my life. They pretty much represent opposites of the "fruits of the spirit". It has probably been building all summer and I kept looking for quick fixes (3 weeks of stored up vacation, mission trip high, camp high -youth pastors still get to have those-, visits with friends). All of those things temporarily remove me from the pit of dryness and give me an mental/spiritual buzz. Those things fill me with energy and good "feelings", which have masked my downward trend.

One time Dr. Sanders said, "There is no standing still in your relationship with God. You are either moving toward him or moving further away." I don't know what I think about that statement. What do you think? If it is true then I have moved away this summer, but that has not been the desire of my heart... Honestly...

...but everything is dry: Scripture, relationships/friendships, prayer, teaching, youth ministry, discussions, debates, life.

DRY.

I am not looking for pity, but I wouldn't mind some fresh opinions, insights or wisdom.

The Kingdom of God

I just finished listening to Brian McClaren's message when he spoke at Mars Hill recently. He just makes sense. He hits the head on the nail.

He reminds us of what it means when Jesus invites us to join the Kingdom, not in the next life, but in this life. He reminds us that we are called to help those in distress and release the opressed . He reminds us that our perspective of scripture often shades our understanding of it, which often impacts our response to it.

If you have 40 minutes go here, listen and let me hear your thoughts.

May I notice those in distress. May I see those who are oppressed. May I respond to those in need. May I be more selfless, less egocentric, more Kingdom minded.

So Sacrificial

I am so thankful for great friends. I am so grateful! I am so thankful for the Body of Christ.

I was trying to rush Chip to the airport in Columbus tonight and get back to church for youth group in a four hour time slot. Everything was going fine, we were engrossed in one last conversation and we suddenly heard a strange noise. This was followed by the brief sensation that we were dragging something, then the noise, then the sensation, and then one more repetition of it as we pulled to the side of the highway. As we were pulling over the power steering stopped, the car shut off and we drifted to a stop on the birm. As we got out radiator fluid poured from the front passenger side of the car, as if my Plymoth Breeze's water had broken. To summarize a very long ordeal, we went to work on the phones for the next two hours trying to figure out the solutions to get both of us home. 50 excruciating minutes on the phone with AAA. Countless answering machine messages pleading for a prompt response. Frustration. Frustration. Frustration.

In the end, the AAA guy came and took me the hour back to Findlay with him as we left Chip stranded on the corner of 229 and 23, waiting for 20-30 minutes for a stranger (my close friend Kevin) to pick him up. I kindly made a bubble letter sign, that read "KEVIN", for Chip to hold up to passing cars.

I got home. Kelly picked me up. I made it to youth group.
Chip got to the airport. Chip missed his flight. Chip got rescheduled to fly out at 6:45am tomorrow and problem number two began. Where would he go? Who could take him in the morning? What would he do tonight? In the end it all worked out, thanks to the Petersons and Hendricksons, but here is what struck me tonight... I have truly amazing friends.

The Peterson clan (Lucy included) picked up everything, and drove and hour & a half one-way to bring a complete stranger to the airport. The Hendricksons surrended a lot of sleep by commiting to leave at the buttcrack of dawn to take Chip to the airport. The Ballmers sprinted over to the church to cover me in my delay. The Caesarezes, Stetlers and others offered their time, energy and home to host Chip tonight and get him to the airport in the AM. So much sacrifice, and even more sacrifice was offered, which tastes just as sweet as the real thing. I feel so surrounded, supported and loved by my friends, my body of believers abroad. It is so cool to know that two of my closest friends, who didn't know each other, spent most of the evening together, and that tomorrow two others will share an early ride to the airport together. It is so awesome that those amazing people get the opportunity to know one another.

Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for the offer of sacrifice, whether it was today or some other day past. Whether it was small or large. Whether it was difficult or simple. Thank you.

May I be selfless in my life. May I learn to serve as you have been served me. May I love, as I have been loved. May I be selfless, as you have been selfless. Thank you Lord for selfless friends. May I grow to be one.

Chip Chop

Chip is one of my closest friends and my roommate from California.

I called Chip on Friday night to tell him some good news. He didn't answer, so I called him 4 more times. Finally, he called me back. The next day he called me in the morning and left a message to see what I was doing this week. I called him back at 9pm (EST). He asked if he should come visit. I said "Heck yes you should!" He got on a plane 3 hours later, flew through the night through NYC, and onto Columbus and Benji and I picked him up after church today. Amazing!

One of my best buds came up with a great idea and we get to hang with him till Wednesday, and best of all him and Halle have already started bonding (she is over her sickness... I have it now). Some friends came over tonight (Cornwells, Hunsakers, Jess) to meet Chip, eat dessert and hang out.

I love times like this. Spur of the moment ideas, close friends, great conversations, late nights. Ahhhh, the college days.

Sick Baby

My daughter has been sick for three days... barfing style. It is so sad. She doesn't have a fever. She doesn't have any other symptoms, but on Monday night she threw up at 4, 5:30 and 7, then she was fine all day. The next night she did it again at 4am, and then Kelly joined it twice. Then, yesterday she did it again right after her morning bottle, all over Kelly, the loveseat (one pillow in particular), the floor and herself. Disaster.

Result= The doctor tells us we shouldn't give her anything but water for 24 hours. I return home to one of the most conflicting sights I have ever beheld. My daughter, the non-cuddler refusing to not cuddle, void of all energy, deprived of all food. She laid on mine of Kelly's chest for most of the night, taking breaks only to look up at us every 25 minutes and whine 2-3 whimpers or weakness. I loved the cuddling, but I knew it wasn't my daughter. I knew it was my sick, starved and sad daughter seeking solace in her parents. Parenting is difficult at times like this.

Living Life by Faith

The mini Ballmers were in Texas and Colorado for two weeks, Kelly was in Dayton, I was in Mississippi, the Cornwells and Hunsakers were busy. It was nice to be reunited tonight. We ate Dominoes, the guys took the three babies swimming in the pool (Halle absolutely loved it for the 1st time!!!) and then we sat down to chat.

The big topic tonight was finding the balance between living by faith vs. living by godly wisdom. i.e. If God opens and closes the womb, do we trust him to do his job and trust him to provide if we end up with 16 children? If God provides food and clothes for the sparrows and lilies, does that mean that we do not need to work and we will be provided for? Our questions weren't that simple or simply point, but you get the idea.

When 1 of our friends moved here they were CLEARLYwalking by faith . They were so free, so joyous, so infectious. As life went on he got married, had a baby and received a lot of "sound" advice and he can feel the departure and distance from that lifestyle of raw faith he once lived by, but he feels that it has possibly been traded in for godly wisdom. Can you live by both? We have a friend who says he lives by faith and trusts God to provide, but when he is present he sucks life, resources and energy from everyone around and gives little in return. His "life by faith" does not reflect life to others. It seems the Stetlers are living by faith, and God always provides for them, even when it seems he couldn't. I am trying to live like that... Live by faith and not by sight.

Rare Form

The mission trip to Pascagoula was amazing. Convictions about life and community and church that I have been discussing with my family and little community over the past few months became a reality for me. Hard work was done, roofing homes was truely an act of worship, unity was realized, relationships were formed, solidified and nurtured.

I don't want to start writing too much about it because I couldn't stop. The result was a clear sign of new life in me. I was in rare form. I entered into a state I have not been in a few years. I began to operate out of this pure joy. The realization that what we had done in Mississippi is what we should be doing back home, became so real and natural to me.

On the 17 hour trip home I enjoyed one of the most entertaining road trips I have ever been on. My actions were reminiscient of me during my freshman year of college or my Point Loma days or the early days with the Ballmers and Hunsakers here in Findlay. If you were a part of any of those times in my life you may be able to identify what I am getting at. When I know I am doing exactlly what the Lord wants me to be doing and I am doing it in community and I feel united and at peace with my community a fire is ignited. My joy turns into pure enthusiasm for life and laughter and honesty and bonding. I develop this unquenchable need to spread joy to others and to give love selflessly. Somehow this mission trip unlocked that part of me. To be honest, it is a little embarrassing, because I can become quite hyper and a little out of control when I am in that mode... but it sure felt good to go there.

An hour after I was home the reality of the awkwardness surrounding the life of our church right now, but somehow The Lord was able to overcome that this morning and I was able to give life rather than suck it out of others, as I have fallen into the habit of lately.

So... the mission trip was AMAZING

Things my eyes were opened to in the past week or so:
*My attitude/actions at church/home have been very selfish rather than selfless for a while.
*My frustration/tension over church and what it could/should look like has pushed me toward a negative and critical nature
*I have been rather dead to most of those I go to Sunday church with, for quite some time... I just haven't invested myself in anything beyond hello and a quick smile.
*There is a need for renewal in me, which was begun, but not completed on the trip
*I have no clue what the Lord wants to do with our lives right now. I am in the wilderness, waiting for directions, but having a hard time discerning God's voice.

Pascagoula

I am on a mission trip to Pascogoula, Mississippi. I am excited, yet unprepared. I have been working on a huge Master's class project every extra moment for the past 7 days. I stayed up till 1am, 3am, 1am and 6am consecutively... I also slept in a couple of those days to make up for it.

I am excited to be going on this trip, but ashamed it has taken us so long to respond. The moment the first hurricane hit the coast I knew I needed to be down here. I knew we needed to repond. It has taken so long to transpire. I know there is still a lot of work to be done, but coming down now seesm like it is more for us. Coming down immediately would have seemed like it was more for them, more for him. It seems like we fit it into our schedule, more than we adjusted our schedules to respond to a desperate need.

I am still excited about this time. I am excited to work outside, in the hot heat, with dirty hands and a worn down body. I am excited to be outside my comfort zone. These seem to be the times I can actually put myself aside and listen more intently to my Savior. It seems that I need to broken, physically/mentally/emotionally, in order to truly surrender my ego, my agenda, myself.

Dave & John B lost this grandfather this week. Pray for them and their family please.

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