the Simple Stuf

I Wore My Grandpa's Tie Today

I really did.

The tag on the back says "Envoy", which to my knowledge no longer exists. It is a slanted stripe tie with 70s brown serving as the primary color, and stripes of other browns, khakis, white and a little red mixed in. When I look at it in my closet I know it is dated and it makes me happy, because I know why it is dated.

My college roommate lost his first grandparent last week, which is much different from my experience. My mom's dad (Brooks) died when I was a junior in high school, so I had plenty of memories with him by that time, but hadn't reached an age where I realized I needed to glean knowledge from him.

My dad's mom (Geraldine) died my sophomore year of college, after leaving a VERY strong imprint on my life. We lived with her for almost a year and lived down the road from her from 6th-12th grade. She was the type of woman who made things happen... especially for her family and probably bequeathed to me my ability to confront people. She had a powerful presence, but loving and the loss of her was very difficult for me.

The loss of my mom's mom (Juanita Ruth)was a devastating blow in my life. I think I blogged on this back in the day. Grandma Clouse was one of my favorite people in the world. I am not sure if this was just because of who she was, or also had something to do with the fact that I was literally one of the most important people in here life... and she reminded me of this every time I saw her or talked to her. She believed in me so much. She was one of the funniest people I have ever known and most of my friends who knew her share that sentiment. If I picked on her she would get in a wrestling match with me to defend herself well into my teens years. I could write a book about what she means to be still today, and her loss just before Halle's birth put me in a haze that was only broken by Halle's birth. I still think of her weekly, and the images I see of her reflected in the faces of Halle and Judah brings me to tears at times. I miss her and I miss being her favorite boy.

My college roommate's grandpa was a "pillar of the church" as they say and an incredible influence on many. My Grandpa Smith was the same... but I never knew it. The tie I wore today belonged to him, my dad's dad (Charles "Art"thur). He passed away just before we lost our first son Elijah. He was a man of God... even more than I knew. We went to church together and lived down the street from one another from the time I was 10. I saw him all the time. I talked to him all the time. I got rides from him all the time. I always took him for granted... not in the negative way where I would take advantage of him. I just lived in the assumption that he would ALWAYS be there. My father was such a strong believer that I never "needed" to ask spiritual questions to grandpa, so I didn't. I think I assume that because my dad was an ordained elder he knew more than grandpa. In the final year's of grandpa's life I began to see my misperception. Grandpa Smith had more knowledge about life and Jesus and how you combine those two things that I ever had known. I just didn't notice how strong his faith was, because he was so quiet about it, so humble. He was that consistent, gentle giant of the faith. When he died the new pastor of my church said to me, "Your grandpa was one of the greatest prayer warriors I knew. He was a pillar of our church." That outside perspective opened my eyes even wider as he explained to me the Christ-like, gentle, humble influence of my grandfather on that church. I returned to my grandpa's house after the funeral looking for something to remember him by. Something small that could remind me of who he was and who I want to be... I found his ties... and I wear them... and I remember that great man.

Funerals

One of my former teens died this year. His name was Jordan Hacker. He was a good looking kid who was usually getting into some sort of trouble from the moment I met him. The mysterious thing about him was that he was so reserved and respectful around adults... at least at church. He had a humble approach to adults that made you want to help him. Sure, I had to "sush" him every once in a while, but I blame that more of Coree Tennant, who was inevitably sitting beside him and was his best friend until the day he died. Coree is the one that called me to tell me and ask me if I would officiate the funeral. I couldn't. I was flying out of town and couldn't even attend, let alone be present for Jordan's family. The full story of his death is too sad to share, and almost too sad for me to even think about again.

This is the third former teen of mine who has died... that I know of. I officiated the funerals of the other two (Zach Eisel and Crystal Grenier). I have also officiated some weddings of former teens. I prefer those. In fact, I welcome those. I am probably honored to be asked to do either one, but I definitely prefer weddings. Most of us probably do. I do have one friend who prefers officiating funerals.

"We sit around at funerals, feeling sorry for the unfortunate person whom death happened to. We say nice things about the person; we dig a hole and put the body in the hole and cover the casket with all our questions." - Donald Miller "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years"

The Adoption Is Real!

Our dossier (the document that make us officially ok to adopt from the US) was mailed to Ethiopia today from our adoption agency AMERICA WORLD!!!!! 3-6 months until our actual referral...most likely! This is real people!!!!!!

You may wonder why I don't write about the adoption more, or at all, on here. Kelly and I have decided that her blog was the most natural place to consistently update people about the adoption. We also have a Facebook Fan Page called James and Kelly Smith Adoption Page (very creative we are) that we keep regularly updated. To follow our journey please check in with one of those two places.

I am sure I will begin to share my thoughts, excitement, fears, plans, dreams for the adoption and our son on here eventually, but those have primarily been share verbally with friends and family so far.

All I know is that I am excited and I can't wait to bring that boy home!!!

Marriage Enrichment: "Garth & Kat" Sing... AND So Do James & Kelly

Kelly was getting ready for bed tonight and I was telling her that my parents and I watched the Garth and Kat portion of SNL this weekend when I was at their house. At that point I started to recreate a portion of it and Kelly chimed in. In these sketches Garth starts singing and Kat tries to sing with him. It took me two songs to figure out what was going on and who was leading, but it is pretty funny to watch.

In typical Kelly/James fashion we then sat around in our living room and tried to do this. First I led and Kelly followed and she was amazing! We laughed so hard that tears were definitely welling up and Kelly's neck hurt afterward from the strain. It was probably the hardest we have laughed together in months. We couldn't stop. Kelly is actually really good at following my lead, but I have a difficult time keeping it PG when I am on the fly like that... usually some innocent animal ends up getting killed or maimed in our renditions.

If you and your significant other haven't had a good laugh in a while, watch this, pick a topic and give it a whirl. It feels so good to laugh together... and "make music".

I love Kelly!!!

New Hope Community OR "I was changed"

Since the last week of December I have been preaching on Sundays (and a couple Saturdays) at New Hope Community in Boardman/Youngstown. Their pastor left in November and Dr. Downs asked me to help bridge the gap and preach for at least month. At first I said no, feeling a little overwhelmed with the other demands in life lately. After Kelly and I spoke about it a little more and committed some prayer to it we decided to call back and say yes.

It has been a blessing.

I love this community of "everyday life missionaries" living out their faith in Northeast Ohio. My second week preaching there they voted on a new pastoral family and confirmed their call to Adam and Jackie Stevens. When I said yes I knew that they were considering Adam and Jackie and this made it ever more appealing to me. I learned so much about preparing the way for a new pastor through this experience. Every week I felt like God opened my eyes to the next thing to share.

I started by preaching on Christian Community (go figure), specifically about how God CALLS US into Christian community. Throughout Scripture this is the case. It is at the initiation of God and the response of us. Paul Hanson speaks about this a lot in his book "The People Called".

I also touched on how it is a GIFT from God, and not something that is guaranteed. Dietrich Bonhoeffer spoke about this a lot in Life Together, as he reflected on his experiences in Christian Community after it was stripped away as he was isolated in prison.

The next few weeks we journeyed through Ephesians 4:1-16 and unpacked what it takes to live in Christian Community. We really focused on Ephesians 4:2, which the Lord has been bringing to my mind every time I am about to go off on someone lately... it's been very helpful. "Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love." Those words seem so simple and trite, but when you really dwell on them and apply them to the way we treat one another it is easy to see how the practice of that verse can lead to very healthy Christian Community. This verse has changed me and I hope it continues to.

I continued on through that passage over the next couple of weeks and discussed our need to celebrate what we have in common and to fulfill the functions/roles we are gifted and called to do within the body of believers. The last message from that passage discussed the results of the first 11 verses and what a united, fully functioning, celebratory community of believer would look like to those around them.

Two weeks about I went back and spoke about practical ways to develop Christian Community (like my favorite of eating with one another) and loving one another. Finally, this week I preached about loving our neighbors in the way of the Good Samaritan.

For some reason I can't really summarize how amazing this experience was for me personally and for that church body and I together. I'm not satisfied with this attempt to describe it's impact on myself or them. This is a good summary of what I was led to share, but hopefully I can express the impact of this time more adequately in another post.

Instead I will summarize my feelings about this experience with some simple words of Jayber Crow, "I was changed".

Finished

"Listen. There is a light that includes our darkness, a day that shines down even on the clouds."

I finished Jayber Crow just now.

It was good. It feels good to finish a book. To finish something. I feel accomplishment and pride and joy. Most of all it feel good to have read this amazing piece of literature. If I began to type all the quotes and meaningful moments of that book it would become annoying quickly, because they are numerous and usually leave much for one to think about. I want to know Wendell Berry. I feel so blessed to know he is alive. It gives me hope that he can write more works that stir similiar sentiments in me, although there are several others out there I need to read anyways. He said not to read into the text, but I did and I would do it again, because it has moved me in many ways.

"Troubled or not, grieved or not, you have got to live. And the facts of the case are even harder than that, for however troubled and grieved you may be, you will often find, looking back, that you were not living without enjoyment." (pg. 358)

And so it is in our current situation, and being a man of blind faith I know this is true... and I still believe it... most days.... but I can't wait for the time of looking back to be present.

I Write in Books

I write in books. I underline phrases and sentences that are significant or move me or even move the story, so that I can find them later. I put a star on my favorite pages to catch my eye. I put a line down both sides or the outside edge of beautiful or meaningful paragraphs. I write words or short phrases that will catch my attention if I am flipping through looking for a specific passage, or simply want to review my favorite parts.

Things like, "Community", "The Call", "University", "Death", "Water", "War"

I love books. I love how they look on big shelves or an end table or my desk. I love how their presence seems to draw you to them at times, reminding you that there is more than TV or video games. When I buy one, I buy it for a reason. I am not flippant and put a lot of consideration into my choices, because I know I will most likely keep it forever. I have no intention of selling my books or discarding them, so I see no reason to not write in them. In fact, I wish my grandfather and father and ancient relatives would have written in their books. I see it as a way of passing on our personalities, out thoughts, our reactions to others...whether that be a friend we hand the book to or our offspring.

When one of my close Point Loma friends (Jimmy) died his mother gave a couple of his books to one of our friends (Eric). Eric and I sat down one night and he showed me this gift Jimmy left behind. Jimmy didn't just underline, earmark or highlight... he WROTE. He wrote all over his books and I loved it. You could see his personality popping off the page. You could hear him saying the words. You could sense his excitement, or disdain with the author. It was one of the closest connections I have felt with him sense he died, and it changed the way I read, and wrote in books.

The awkward thing about writing my thoughts and insights about Jayber Crow in the book, or on here, is that I feel that I am somehow offending old Wendell Berry. In the front of the book, before the table of contents there is a page that says this:

NOTICE

Persons attempting to find a "text" in this book wil lbe

prosecuted; persons attempting to find a "subtext" it it

will be banished; persons attempting to explain, interpret,

explicate, analyze, deconstruct, or otherwise "understand"

it will be exiled to a desert island in the company only of

other explainers.

BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR"

So, I will proceed in trepidation and fear, trusting he will never see my copy of the book or read this blog. I did not try to find a "text" in that book or interpret it. It has been interpreting me. I did not try to understand it. It has been helping me understand. If that gets me exiled to a desert island so be it, but I hope the other explainers there aren't the annoying ones.

Fasting Reading - The End of an Era

I am almost finished with Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry. I absolutely love this book. I am sure it is one of my favorites and will be one of my favorites for many years to come. It has opened my eyes to the idea that classics are still being written. As I read it, I feel that everyone else should, and that they will be missing something if they don't.

When I finish it sometime this week it will be the first book I have finished for pleasure in over 18 months. I realize that is ridiculous, but I have been fasting from reading. This fast of reading has been my way of justifying my disdain for reading after my three month immersion in reading and writing while finishing my Master's thesis in 2008. I have more accurately been fasting from reading and writing, and I sense this era must come to a close.

Reading opens my mind to new ideas and possibilities and truth and beauty and ways of living.

Writing completes the work that reading and living life begin. It helps me process and think and create and breathe deeply and reflect, and most importantly engage others in the process.

So, I am returning to both practices in some respect, although I don't know the extent yet. No goals, just a movement back toward a healthier balance of input and output.

In the past year I have read two books:

Tribes, by Seth Godin

I was asked to read this for the Big Picture Youth Ministry Training team I am a part of, and I read it all on my way to our meeting in Kansas City, and in my room the night before. It is good for what it is, which is a business book conveying how to spread your passion by finding a tribe who shares it and leading them (primarily through social media/internet outlets that are available today).

Be Out Guest, by The Disney Institute

Read this for the University. Learned a lot that we can apply to the university as a whole and the Admission office. The main thing I extracted was the value of story. I have been singing that song since I arrive, but the book and Disney World helped me understand how to take our story and find new ways to share it with those who visit us or don't visit us. Very good for any business to read as well.

BUT the best thing I have read about telling story is from Jayber Crow of course.

"Telling a story is like reaching into a granary full of wheat and drawing out a handful. There is always more to tell than can be told... there is also more than needs to be told, and more than anybody wants to hear". -Wendell Berry, Jayber Crow, pg.29

That Wendell Berry. He is so stinkin' good! He seems to hit on everything at some point!

So, 2 books for business in 2009... typical of my past year.

We'll see how that balance swings in the new year.

The End of a Fast

CURRENTLY READING: Jayber Crow, by Wendell Berry

My Master's Thesis/Culmination Project in the Fall of 07-Spring of 08 drained me. It removed me from all writing, talking, sharing and even reading... unless it was for the project. I loved the project, but when it was done I had read enough books and written enough words to feel drained from both exercises. So I entered a fast. Not really a fast of discipline or one that brings honor to God necessarily... just a removal of a specific action from my life, or actions perhaps.
1) Reading
2) Writing (save for a Facebook post or Tweet)

Now, in all honesty I thought it would only last a couple months, or at the most 3-4, but it has been almost 1 1/2 years now and I am feeling the effects. My newish job as the Director of Admissions at my Alma Mater has made personal time hard to come by. Not a critique or complaint, just an honest observation, especially when my job is combined with my insatiable desire for community (which we have pursued at length here). Although time in community is "personal time", it is more about the investment in relationships than in oneself (although I am aware of how we sharpen one another).

The last 6 months I have become appalled at my fast, but incapable of ending it. I have slowly picked through Jayber Crow by Wendell Berry over the past year and a half. I think it was given to me as a graduation gift in fact. I actually LOVE this book and it is the object that compels me to write today, but I just couldn't remain consistent for more than 2-3 days or 1-2 chapters. As 2009 comes to an end I am sad to say that I have not grown very much personally in the past year. I have grown professionally in several ways, which I am sure are necessary, but my mind and spirit have felt somewhat weak to me and unchallenged... until lately.

Several relationships and gatherings of Christ-followers have stirred me this semester and confronted me with my current state of spiritual and mental slumber. I began leading a small group on campus of 7 amazing and honest guys (Ben, Joe, Tyler, Sam, Josh, Joe and Joel). We began meeting with 2 other couples (Kellers and Byrds) for a new expression of house church (a third family has joined us at times as well). We attend West Side Naz and are very committed to our relationship and weekly gathering with the Petersons (even when we are out of town on Sundays so often). In addition to this my other college roommates have been around much more frequently. Eric's new job allows him to stop by and pop in more often and Mark is staying with us for a couple weeks helping me out with some much needed projects in the office. They both naturally challenge me simply by their presence, just as they constantly did throughout all 4 years of college. The beauty of all this is I share each of these relationships with Kelly. We are sharpened by the same swords and challenged by the same friends. I love that about us. We truly are in this together.

So, why do I write? For myself. To get this confession written out. To hold myself accountable. To write it so Kelly will read it and know more clearly where I am and where I am hopefully heading. To share with anyone else who is still listening and explain the silence that has graced this page. To have at least a little creative output and write down words for my jumbled thoughts. Finally, to reactivate this page as a place I can share what I am learning through my reading...maybe just for Kelly and I this time, or maybe for others who may see that RSS feed turn back to bold...maybe this is the only post for the next year... hopefully not.

The Cyclical Silence

Blogging continues to go through ebbs and flows for me, as I have noticed it does for most. The past year has been an ebb. A big, large, long, strongly receding ebb. My job is much the same way, but there has been more flow, more swells, more pushing than ebbing in my inaugural season in this Admissions role. The flow of my job has undoubtedly caused the ebbing of my blogging, or honestly of many aspects of my life, especially most avenues of reflection, relaxation and pausing in my life. Of course, some of this is natural in any new job.

I could point to a thousand things that have contributed to this lack of balance, but the largest contributor is easy for me and those closest to me to see...it is me.

I have a drive to achieve, to succeed, to win... to be the best I can be at any task, or job or challenge that I accept. My current role is an especially daunting challenge for my personality, because it involves SO MANY others. I CAN'T do it on my own. I can't achieve our goals, or my personal goals on my own. I can't succeed on my own. Every job I have had, I have leaned on and depended and trusted others to help me achieve our goals, but in some way I still felt somewhat in control. I still had my hands in most of the major daily/weekly/monthly ingredients of our recipe.

University recruitment and admissions is no such task. The 13 adults and 25+ students who work with me are just the tip of the iceberg that is the work of Admissions. The other Faculty, the other staff, university administrators, our alumni, youth pastors, pastors, teachers, guidance counselors, people I know well, people I will never know, influential teens, loud teens, happy current students, frustrated current students, staff at other schools, bloggers...all contributing daily, positively or negatively to task ahead of me...and my team.

Even with this knowledge I have constantly given in to my tendency to attempt to "do it all" for months at a time this year. Even with administrators, pastors, friends, co-workers and family reminding me of balance I have given into the pull toward imbalance. The loss of Jeremiah gave me pause...for a few hours, but then I turned to none other than my work to cope, to be distracted, to deal with the pain... or at least to be distracted from it. Since the week of our loss the teeter tooter of balance has dramatically dipper further to the side of imbalance as a busy time for our entire office descended upon us.

Somewhere in the midst of the past few weeks the need for reflection and pause and "personal time" began to shimmer in my mind. The drive to Florida and back with my family (for General Assembly), gave Kelly and I a lot of time for discussion. Through our conversations I realized how unhealthy I am right now. I haven't read, or written or reflected on practically anything not work related since Jeremiah's funeral.

So, I am trying to push the teeter totter back toward a healthy balance. I am trying to remind myself that sometimes I need to push very hard, and it takes a lot of work to get the teeter totter in my life to even pass the middle point. I am reminding others and encouraging others to remind me of that fact (which honestly many have been doing for months). I am remembering that I need to minister and live "out of the overflow".

I read Brother Lawrence today...one letter (two pages). It's a start.

Jeremiah David Smith

For those of you who don't know, we have delivered our second stillborn son.

Jeremiah David Smith was silently born at 1:27am Saturday morning, May 9. He weighed 13 ounces.

We held him, we love him, and our hearts are breaking.

We are now home. Our parents have returned home and we will sort through things these next few days. We have decided not to do a large memorial service, as we did with Elijah. We will do something simple at the graveside. We will post more as we can.

Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings.James, Kelly, Halle and Judah

Some have asked about our mailing address.
We have a post office box at the Naz:
800 Martinsburg Rd.
Mt. Vernon, OH 43050
OR you can still use our Findlay address, as we will be there at some point this week.

Modern Marvels

I am sitting here working on my notes for a wedding that I am officiating on New Year's day, so I decided to turn the TV on for some background noise. I flipped through to the history channel which normally has something moderately interesting on it. I have found that the history channel often has programs that make you look up every 3-5 minutes, but can't keep your attention for 30 minutes straight. Of course there are exceptions, and tonight was an exception.

It was a Modern Marvels show, which can be quite interesting. For instance, I watched one of Thanksgiving Break about Hoover Dam. This one happened to be on a Turkey Factory. Normally this type of show would cause me to turn it, but something piqued my interest. They were showing a Turkey farm and how they take the eggs from these tens of thousands of turkeys and incubate them in large heaters , on shelves like the ones they bake the bread in at Panera, until they hatch. Then in a little over 38 days they transform from 1 ounce babes into 10 pound birds. Not natural.

From the farm they went to the processing plant and this is what grabbed my attention. I was watching the workers do their portion of the assembly line; cutting the top, cutting off the wings, etc. Finally it came to this man standing at a station in the assembly line. A bird came to him every five seconds. At this point it is only the torso and legs left. He takes it off the hooks and places it on a conveyor belt that then brings it into an automated process that takes off the legs and moves the torso on. They paused on this man for an extended amount of time as they explained this part of the process and over a couple minutes I saw him continually doing this repetitive motion and I felt so sad.

I thought about that job and why it was created and why he may have applied for it and how he is probably a hard worker who is providing for his family the best that he can. I was thinking about how a job like that would possibly drive me insane, but that sometimes in life you just have to do things that seemingly may drive you insane, because in the end you need a job and you need to provide for your family.

Tonight we had some new friends over, Brody and Emily (Rhoton) Boggs and their kids. We were sharing about our current jobs and what led us here. One thing I shared was that I felt this need to do something where I could directly see how I was positively impacting other people's lives and "making a difference". Brody shared this same need and motivation for him to pursue his current job, working with mentally handicapped people. Watching that show I realized that everyone may not have that same need or motivation that Brody and I do. I realized that if we all did there would be a lot of jobs that would be hard to fill. I realized that a lot of our society is built on those types of jobs that potentially wouldn't be filled (which leads to another post altogether about industrialization). I remembered that many people would never want my job. They wouldn't want the stress. They wouldn't like the need to be creative, to think outside the box, to look for process improvements. They wouldn't want the awkward conversations, the need to confront at times, the need to back off at times. They wouldn't want any of it.

I am glad God made us different. I hope that God always provides a job for me that fits how he made me. I am thankful he opened this door, and put me on the path I am currently walking on. I don't know what I am really trying to say, other than, watching that guy repeatedly move turkeys, and thinking about doing that for 8 hours a day really disturbed me. I think I hurt for him, but perhaps I was mourning the idea of every having to do something like that myself. Or maybe both. I think part of it is that I just wanted more for him... which may lead me back to that other post about Industrialization... which I will probably never get to writing.

I also saw how Turkey Bacon is made... I may never eat it again.

Dance In The Rain Melissa

If you do not know Melissa Prater or are not aware of what is going on in her life right now follow this link and read the most recent post, so the rest of my post makes sense.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I admit that I am just plain mad right now. That is my primary, dominant feeling.

Kelly is crying in the other room, but I am mad. I am aware that these are the different stages of grieving, or working through pain and disappointment, but it doesn't change how I feel. I sit here typing angrily. Kelly lies in the bed with Halle cuddling through the tears.

I am helpless. We are helpless. Only God can do miracles and I am not very clear on how much our prayers influence him in those decisions. Am I allowed to say that? I feel like I have to right now to be authentic and real, because I definitely feel it.

I am reading "Jayber Crow" by Wendell Berry right now. The section I am read last night/this morning is so applicable right now:

"But the worst day of all was when it hit me that Jesus' own most fervent prayer was refused: "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." I must have read that verse or heard it a hundred times before without seeing or hearing. Maybe I didn't want to see it. But then one day I saw it. It just knocked me in the head. This, I thought, is what is meant by "they will be done" in the Lord's Prayer, which I had prayed time and again without thinking about it. It means that your will and God's will may not be the same. It means there's a good possibility that you won't get what you pray for. It means that in spite of your prayers you are going to suffer. It means you may be crucified.

After Jesus' terrible prayer at Gethsemane, an angel came to Him gave Him strength, but did not remove the cup...

But now I was unsure what it would be proper to pray for, or how to pray for it. After you have said "thy will be done," what more can be said? And where do you find the strength to pray "thy will be done" after you see what it means?

And what did these questions do to my understanding of all the prayers I had ever heard and prayed? And what did they do to the possibility that I could stand before a congregation...and pray for favorable weather, a good harvest, the recovery of the sick and the strayed, victory in war? DOES PRAYER CHANGE GOD'S MIND? If God's mind can be changed by the wants an wishes of us mere humans, as if deferring to our better judgment, what is the point of praying to Him at all? And what are we to think when two good people pray for opposite things- as when two devout mothers of soldiers on opposite sides prayer for the safety of their sons or for victory?...

"Father, remove this cup from me, " I prayed. And there I stopped. For how would I know what God's will was, even provided I could have the strength to submit to it?...

By then I wasn't just asking questions; I was being changed by them. I was being changed by my prayers, which dwindled down nearer and nearer to silence, which weren't confrontations with God but with difficulty...of knowing what or how to pray..."
--------------------------------------------------------------

Any yet... I prayed with Halle tonight... like every night...for Melissa and Doug and the kids and many other things. I prayed for healing. I prayer for a miracle. I did not pray "but thine will be done", because THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT MOST RIGHT NOW! If God's will is not to heal this AMAZING WOMAN then I can't honestly say I want it. Who honestly could? Honestly?

Lord,
I want your will, but I don't understand how that can possibly not include Melissa's healing. I can, on the other hand, clearly see how it could/should include her healing. You and I have been here before, at this place. This is where faith and common sense collide, and the collison breaks me and confounds me. My faith persists, but my heart and head and body hurts. I beg that your will and my will are aligned on Melissa's healing. I beg you Lord!

Community, Loving Your Neighbor, Family

I realized recently that I am passionate about things in my "preaching ministry".
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors (Holiness in Action or Active Holiness)
The Role of the Family in Discipleship (both biological and faith families)
(EDIT: I also preach about the Body of Christ quite often, which Kelly just reminded me, but I kind of connect that and flow it into Christian community)

I have known this for a while and felt guilty about it, but realized recently I don't need to. Those are passions God has placed in me. Those are topics I continue to dwell on, research, discuss and grow in. I don't need to know all things, and certainly don't need to preach about all things. This is probably one of the most daunting things to me about the idea of preaching every week, if that were my assignment. I think I would want to talk about these three things every week. Perhaps, if that were my call/assignment I could just rotate them on a once per month basis and then throw in a wild card every fourth week to mix things up and cover other key tenants of the faith. Then, on a fifth Sunday we could just all eat a meal together and allow people to share their stories and God moments of the month.

Another daunting aspect about preaching every week is this... I honestly just don't find that preachers are dynamic enough to preach every week and truly keep most people's attention. Sure, there are some who can do it, but even in those cases I generally think it would be healthier to hear multiple voices from the body sharing from the Word and their experiences. So, I guess that if I ever was the pastor of a Sunday morning church I wouldn't preach every week anyways. Because
a) I don't believe God only, or primarily speaks through one person per congregation/body of believers and
b) I think people need variety, they need different flavors, different perspective. They need to hear from Christian brothers and sisters of different ages and genders and backgrounds and personalities.

So, for me, every time I would/do speak I think I will continue to explore what I know and care about most:
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors
The Role of the Family in Discipleship
(EDIT: Body of Christ)

So, if you ever ask me to speak be prepared. If you want something outside that range, make sure I know ahead of time. :-)

I may write my thoughts on each of those topics in the days ahead, but I am done making blogging promises at this point in my life, so we'll see.

Life...

has been flying by in our new town, new life, new pace. Lots of good things. Lots of new friends. Lots of new opportunities. Not a lot of rest.

Overall, God has reminded me that I need to pace myself. I need to take time to slow down. I need to take time to breath deep, to reflect, to dream, to sleep, to relax... all those things we were much better at the last two years.

We are excited about our life here, both what we are experiencing and what we have yet to experience. We are living in a small 3 bedroom apartment, waiting on our house to sell, waiting and waiting, and wondering when we will be able to fully shift our lives to Mt. Vernon. I am still trusting God's timing, but each week, or at least month makes it harder to wait. We feel the need to be more settled here, to be in more of a position to invite other's into our home, to have college kids and the Admissions Staff over, to sleep on our own bed again... but I still trust that we are where we are for a reason, not only in Mt. Vernon, but also at Glen Road.

I love my daughter... I can't deny that she has my heart.
I love my son... his smile can melt me.
I love my wife...I simply love her.

Big News!

Our Family has been busy! Lots of life change is happening, but we find ourselves feeling peace in these moments as we celebrate…

1) The Birth of our NEW BABY BOY!!!

Introducing…
Judah James William...

He was born at 4:39pm on Monday, 7/7/2008 in Bluffton, OH.
He weighs 6lbs 6ozs and is 19 inches long. He has dark brown hair, a dimpled chin and really soft skin of course.
Kelly is doing well and is thoroughly enjoying bonding with our new son.
Big sister Halle has enjoyed holding him and gave him his first birthday present on Monday night.

Thank you so much for your prayers and support!

Here is the hospital link to view his picture, but I have also included another pic in this e-mail:
http://www.bvhealthsystem.org/BabyNet/ViewBaby.aspx?ID=7348

We should be going home with him later today!
2) A NEW JOB for James!

I have accepted the position of Director of Admissions and Student Recruitment at Mount Vernon Nazarene University.

I accepted the job during the Regional BLAST event on June 12th and we announced it to the crowd that night. My first day working for MVNU was June 30th, but I was speaking at a church camp all week, so I really haven’t completely settled into the office yet. This was to be my first week in the office, but Judah altered those plans. We have been on a home repair blitz with much help from our church, friends and family. I will be traveling back and forth over the next month. We hope to have our house listed this week and are praying it will sell by the end of the month. We have already seen 15+ houses in Mt. Vernon and have a few favorites, but won’t offer until ours sells. Most of you know how vital house church is to our DNA, so we are looking for a house with this in mind. Please pray with us that the Lord would lead us to the right neighborhood, the right neighbors and the right house. We are still figuring out temporary plans for us to all be together in Mt. Vernon starting in August until our house in Findlay sells.

We are so excited about this opportunity for multiple reasons. Vocationally it is a fantastic fit for my heart, skills and passions. I have been working in the RPO/Recruiting industry for a year and a half and enjoy it, but now I can take those skills to MVNU (which I have always had passion for) and work with teens and college students (whom I have always had a passion to work with). It is a great mix for my administrative desires and my ministry desires. If you know me, you know I love MVNU, so this makes sense on multiple levels. MVNU has been a part of my life since I was 4½, when my parents went back to finish their degrees! In addition, Kelly will no longer need to work. She has desired for quite some time to stay at home with our child(ren), and this move will provide that opportunity, with a few adjustments in our spending habits. J This is huge for us and something that has dominated our conversation for a couple years. Finally, we can’t wait to join the MVNU community. We have missed it through the years and always had a desire to return. We hope to be a positive influence in the lives of the college students, faculty and staff there in the same way our mentors there influenced our lives. I will also continue to serve as the Regional Big Picture Trainer and be available to speak at youth events, both of which are a natural mix for this role.

Here is the press release for the job: www.ncnnews.com/nphweb/html/ncn/article.jsp?id=10006153

Lot of stuff going on and we are just hanging on for the ride. Kelly just looked at me as she is holding Judah and said softly with tears in her eyes, “I am so happy”.
That pretty much sums it up for us!

Peace and Love.

You know you are bald...

when your wife is applying sunscreen to you and she begins to rub it into your hair without warning... like you expected her to.

True or False

I found this written on a piece of paper today. I am not sure if it was a thought that came to me one day that I was trying to think through, a quote or a comment in a conversation, but what I am wondering is...

TRUE or FALSE

"Church bodies have life cycles like physical bodies have life cycles.
They are born. They grow. They live. They die (whether literally or essentially)."

Benji's Letter: Part I

A close friend of mine (Benji) from our house church recently wrote a letter to a friend of his who is several states away. I am going to post it on here in a series of 2-4 posts. The entire letter is so good, but it deals with a couple different things that I would love to share with you. As Bemji read this letter he had written to our church one night I could hear myself saying these exact same things to any of you. Benji and I have been living life together for 5 years now, and we don't always agree on everything, but this letter reminded me how much we have grown together and share a common heart and path to where we find ourselves. Anything in parentheses is a comment of mine. As you read these words please hear them as words that I would use to explain to you where I have been and where I am headed...

"First of all, let me tell you a little about what is going on in our lives to bring you up to speed. About 15 months ago we left the church that we had previously being going to, and also the church that I was raised in because we felt like the questions that we were asking about God, ourselves, and the world we live in were not being addressed. (I wasn't raised in this church, but it is a mirror image of my own church in immeasurable ways. I often feel their people, struggles and issues have reflected one another.)

Since then we have been meeting in our living rooms with about 5-10 other families who are asking some of the same questions. We are attempting to listen to the voice of God throughout history to see what he has repeated…what is it that he is really saying…through the lives of his people in the OT… the prophets, the kings, the political and religious systems…where Jesus fits into the story historically…and what Jesus actual message was to his people."

This is a great summary of what we have been trying to do, how we got to where we are at and the journey we have found ourselves on. I will pick up from here next time I post. Not anything major, just a good summary of my journey/our community's journey this past year and a half.

Free Wifi - Boston Stoker

We are in Dayton, Ohio for Part II of our Christmas Vacation adventure. I am working remotely the next 2 days, so that Kelly and Halle can hang with the family a little longer and I can enjoy their company in the evenings. After a humorous attempt to work from BW3's last night (they were the only place I could find with free Wi-Fi in the area) I went on a search for a new work spot today. I drove all over Dayton's Northside and downtown until I found a Boston Stoker right downtown. Boston Stoker is a Dayton based coffee chain, that intends to stay in the greater Dayton area only and has snappy, humorous and condescending slogans objecting to national chains like Starbucks written on their bathroom walls. I used up someone's last 38 minutes of downtown parking at the Boston Stoker to look for one closer to the inlaws house, where I wouldn't have to pay $4 an hour for parking. I found one that looked close, called and confirmed they had free Wifi and took off. It turns out this trendy and comfortable little coffee shop is only about 5 minutes from the inlaws abode, and I wasted close to 2 hours (via internet search and driving) looking for some place to connect to the world wide web. Oh, if only one of the 20 people I asked on the street last night would have known. So... if you are looking for free Wifi in Dayton, Ohio now you know where to go. There are only about 25 of these places in town.

I would love to tell you more about the BW3 endeavor last night. Let's just say I was there from 9-1, invited some folks to sit with me since it was packed out and enjoyed some Karaoke, in lieu of my headphones, as the background music for my work toils.

Herb and Chuck... it was nice meeting you.

the Simple Stuf

About Me

My Family