Saturday, July 11, 2009
The Cyclical Silence
Blogging continues to go through ebbs and flows for me, as I have noticed it does for most. The past year has been an ebb. A big, large, long, strongly receding ebb. My job is much the same way, but there has been more flow, more swells, more pushing than ebbing in my inaugural season in this Admissions role. The flow of my job has undoubtedly caused the ebbing of my blogging, or honestly of many aspects of my life, especially most avenues of reflection, relaxation and pausing in my life. Of course, some of this is natural in any new job.
I could point to a thousand things that have contributed to this lack of balance, but the largest contributor is easy for me and those closest to me to see...it is me.
I have a drive to achieve, to succeed, to win... to be the best I can be at any task, or job or challenge that I accept. My current role is an especially daunting challenge for my personality, because it involves SO MANY others. I CAN'T do it on my own. I can't achieve our goals, or my personal goals on my own. I can't succeed on my own. Every job I have had, I have leaned on and depended and trusted others to help me achieve our goals, but in some way I still felt somewhat in control. I still had my hands in most of the major daily/weekly/monthly ingredients of our recipe.
University recruitment and admissions is no such task. The 13 adults and 25+ students who work with me are just the tip of the iceberg that is the work of Admissions. The other Faculty, the other staff, university administrators, our alumni, youth pastors, pastors, teachers, guidance counselors, people I know well, people I will never know, influential teens, loud teens, happy current students, frustrated current students, staff at other schools, bloggers...all contributing daily, positively or negatively to task ahead of me...and my team.
Even with this knowledge I have constantly given in to my tendency to attempt to "do it all" for months at a time this year. Even with administrators, pastors, friends, co-workers and family reminding me of balance I have given into the pull toward imbalance. The loss of Jeremiah gave me pause...for a few hours, but then I turned to none other than my work to cope, to be distracted, to deal with the pain... or at least to be distracted from it. Since the week of our loss the teeter tooter of balance has dramatically dipper further to the side of imbalance as a busy time for our entire office descended upon us.
Somewhere in the midst of the past few weeks the need for reflection and pause and "personal time" began to shimmer in my mind. The drive to Florida and back with my family (for General Assembly), gave Kelly and I a lot of time for discussion. Through our conversations I realized how unhealthy I am right now. I haven't read, or written or reflected on practically anything not work related since Jeremiah's funeral.
So, I am trying to push the teeter totter back toward a healthy balance. I am trying to remind myself that sometimes I need to push very hard, and it takes a lot of work to get the teeter totter in my life to even pass the middle point. I am reminding others and encouraging others to remind me of that fact (which honestly many have been doing for months). I am remembering that I need to minister and live "out of the overflow".
I read Brother Lawrence today...one letter (two pages). It's a start.
I read Brother Lawrence today...one letter (two pages). It's a start.
0 comments
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Jeremiah David Smith
For those of you who don't know, we have delivered our second stillborn son.
Jeremiah David Smith was silently born at 1:27am Saturday morning, May 9. He weighed 13 ounces.
We held him, we love him, and our hearts are breaking.
We are now home. Our parents have returned home and we will sort through things these next few days. We have decided not to do a large memorial service, as we did with Elijah. We will do something simple at the graveside. We will post more as we can.
Thank you for your prayers.
Blessings.James, Kelly, Halle and Judah
Some have asked about our mailing address.
We have a post office box at the Naz:
800 Martinsburg Rd.
Mt. Vernon, OH 43050
OR you can still use our Findlay address, as we will be there at some point this week.
0 comments
Jeremiah David Smith was silently born at 1:27am Saturday morning, May 9. He weighed 13 ounces.
We held him, we love him, and our hearts are breaking.
We are now home. Our parents have returned home and we will sort through things these next few days. We have decided not to do a large memorial service, as we did with Elijah. We will do something simple at the graveside. We will post more as we can.
Thank you for your prayers.
Blessings.James, Kelly, Halle and Judah
Some have asked about our mailing address.
We have a post office box at the Naz:
800 Martinsburg Rd.
Mt. Vernon, OH 43050
OR you can still use our Findlay address, as we will be there at some point this week.
0 comments
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Modern Marvels
I am sitting here working on my notes for a wedding that I am officiating on New Year's day, so I decided to turn the TV on for some background noise. I flipped through to the history channel which normally has something moderately interesting on it. I have found that the history channel often has programs that make you look up every 3-5 minutes, but can't keep your attention for 30 minutes straight. Of course there are exceptions, and tonight was an exception.
It was a Modern Marvels show, which can be quite interesting. For instance, I watched one of Thanksgiving Break about Hoover Dam. This one happened to be on a Turkey Factory. Normally this type of show would cause me to turn it, but something piqued my interest. They were showing a Turkey farm and how they take the eggs from these tens of thousands of turkeys and incubate them in large heaters , on shelves like the ones they bake the bread in at Panera, until they hatch. Then in a little over 38 days they transform from 1 ounce babes into 10 pound birds. Not natural.
From the farm they went to the processing plant and this is what grabbed my attention. I was watching the workers do their portion of the assembly line; cutting the top, cutting off the wings, etc. Finally it came to this man standing at a station in the assembly line. A bird came to him every five seconds. At this point it is only the torso and legs left. He takes it off the hooks and places it on a conveyor belt that then brings it into an automated process that takes off the legs and moves the torso on. They paused on this man for an extended amount of time as they explained this part of the process and over a couple minutes I saw him continually doing this repetitive motion and I felt so sad.
I thought about that job and why it was created and why he may have applied for it and how he is probably a hard worker who is providing for his family the best that he can. I was thinking about how a job like that would possibly drive me insane, but that sometimes in life you just have to do things that seemingly may drive you insane, because in the end you need a job and you need to provide for your family.
Tonight we had some new friends over, Brody and Emily (Rhoton) Boggs and their kids. We were sharing about our current jobs and what led us here. One thing I shared was that I felt this need to do something where I could directly see how I was positively impacting other people's lives and "making a difference". Brody shared this same need and motivation for him to pursue his current job, working with mentally handicapped people. Watching that show I realized that everyone may not have that same need or motivation that Brody and I do. I realized that if we all did there would be a lot of jobs that would be hard to fill. I realized that a lot of our society is built on those types of jobs that potentially wouldn't be filled (which leads to another post altogether about industrialization). I remembered that many people would never want my job. They wouldn't want the stress. They wouldn't like the need to be creative, to think outside the box, to look for process improvements. They wouldn't want the awkward conversations, the need to confront at times, the need to back off at times. They wouldn't want any of it.
I am glad God made us different. I hope that God always provides a job for me that fits how he made me. I am thankful he opened this door, and put me on the path I am currently walking on. I don't know what I am really trying to say, other than, watching that guy repeatedly move turkeys, and thinking about doing that for 8 hours a day really disturbed me. I think I hurt for him, but perhaps I was mourning the idea of every having to do something like that myself. Or maybe both. I think part of it is that I just wanted more for him... which may lead me back to that other post about Industrialization... which I will probably never get to writing.
I also saw how Turkey Bacon is made... I may never eat it again.
3 comments
It was a Modern Marvels show, which can be quite interesting. For instance, I watched one of Thanksgiving Break about Hoover Dam. This one happened to be on a Turkey Factory. Normally this type of show would cause me to turn it, but something piqued my interest. They were showing a Turkey farm and how they take the eggs from these tens of thousands of turkeys and incubate them in large heaters , on shelves like the ones they bake the bread in at Panera, until they hatch. Then in a little over 38 days they transform from 1 ounce babes into 10 pound birds. Not natural.
From the farm they went to the processing plant and this is what grabbed my attention. I was watching the workers do their portion of the assembly line; cutting the top, cutting off the wings, etc. Finally it came to this man standing at a station in the assembly line. A bird came to him every five seconds. At this point it is only the torso and legs left. He takes it off the hooks and places it on a conveyor belt that then brings it into an automated process that takes off the legs and moves the torso on. They paused on this man for an extended amount of time as they explained this part of the process and over a couple minutes I saw him continually doing this repetitive motion and I felt so sad.
I thought about that job and why it was created and why he may have applied for it and how he is probably a hard worker who is providing for his family the best that he can. I was thinking about how a job like that would possibly drive me insane, but that sometimes in life you just have to do things that seemingly may drive you insane, because in the end you need a job and you need to provide for your family.
Tonight we had some new friends over, Brody and Emily (Rhoton) Boggs and their kids. We were sharing about our current jobs and what led us here. One thing I shared was that I felt this need to do something where I could directly see how I was positively impacting other people's lives and "making a difference". Brody shared this same need and motivation for him to pursue his current job, working with mentally handicapped people. Watching that show I realized that everyone may not have that same need or motivation that Brody and I do. I realized that if we all did there would be a lot of jobs that would be hard to fill. I realized that a lot of our society is built on those types of jobs that potentially wouldn't be filled (which leads to another post altogether about industrialization). I remembered that many people would never want my job. They wouldn't want the stress. They wouldn't like the need to be creative, to think outside the box, to look for process improvements. They wouldn't want the awkward conversations, the need to confront at times, the need to back off at times. They wouldn't want any of it.
I am glad God made us different. I hope that God always provides a job for me that fits how he made me. I am thankful he opened this door, and put me on the path I am currently walking on. I don't know what I am really trying to say, other than, watching that guy repeatedly move turkeys, and thinking about doing that for 8 hours a day really disturbed me. I think I hurt for him, but perhaps I was mourning the idea of every having to do something like that myself. Or maybe both. I think part of it is that I just wanted more for him... which may lead me back to that other post about Industrialization... which I will probably never get to writing.
I also saw how Turkey Bacon is made... I may never eat it again.
3 comments
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Dance In The Rain Melissa
If you do not know Melissa Prater or are not aware of what is going on in her life right now follow this link and read the most recent post, so the rest of my post makes sense.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I admit that I am just plain mad right now. That is my primary, dominant feeling.
Kelly is crying in the other room, but I am mad. I am aware that these are the different stages of grieving, or working through pain and disappointment, but it doesn't change how I feel. I sit here typing angrily. Kelly lies in the bed with Halle cuddling through the tears.
I am helpless. We are helpless. Only God can do miracles and I am not very clear on how much our prayers influence him in those decisions. Am I allowed to say that? I feel like I have to right now to be authentic and real, because I definitely feel it.
I am reading "Jayber Crow" by Wendell Berry right now. The section I am read last night/this morning is so applicable right now:
"But the worst day of all was when it hit me that Jesus' own most fervent prayer was refused: "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." I must have read that verse or heard it a hundred times before without seeing or hearing. Maybe I didn't want to see it. But then one day I saw it. It just knocked me in the head. This, I thought, is what is meant by "they will be done" in the Lord's Prayer, which I had prayed time and again without thinking about it. It means that your will and God's will may not be the same. It means there's a good possibility that you won't get what you pray for. It means that in spite of your prayers you are going to suffer. It means you may be crucified.
After Jesus' terrible prayer at Gethsemane, an angel came to Him gave Him strength, but did not remove the cup...
But now I was unsure what it would be proper to pray for, or how to pray for it. After you have said "thy will be done," what more can be said? And where do you find the strength to pray "thy will be done" after you see what it means?
And what did these questions do to my understanding of all the prayers I had ever heard and prayed? And what did they do to the possibility that I could stand before a congregation...and pray for favorable weather, a good harvest, the recovery of the sick and the strayed, victory in war? DOES PRAYER CHANGE GOD'S MIND? If God's mind can be changed by the wants an wishes of us mere humans, as if deferring to our better judgment, what is the point of praying to Him at all? And what are we to think when two good people pray for opposite things- as when two devout mothers of soldiers on opposite sides prayer for the safety of their sons or for victory?...
"Father, remove this cup from me, " I prayed. And there I stopped. For how would I know what God's will was, even provided I could have the strength to submit to it?...
By then I wasn't just asking questions; I was being changed by them. I was being changed by my prayers, which dwindled down nearer and nearer to silence, which weren't confrontations with God but with difficulty...of knowing what or how to pray..."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Any yet... I prayed with Halle tonight... like every night...for Melissa and Doug and the kids and many other things. I prayed for healing. I prayer for a miracle. I did not pray "but thine will be done", because THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT MOST RIGHT NOW! If God's will is not to heal this AMAZING WOMAN then I can't honestly say I want it. Who honestly could? Honestly?
Lord,
I want your will, but I don't understand how that can possibly not include Melissa's healing. I can, on the other hand, clearly see how it could/should include her healing. You and I have been here before, at this place. This is where faith and common sense collide, and the collison breaks me and confounds me. My faith persists, but my heart and head and body hurts. I beg that your will and my will are aligned on Melissa's healing. I beg you Lord!
1 comments
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I admit that I am just plain mad right now. That is my primary, dominant feeling.
Kelly is crying in the other room, but I am mad. I am aware that these are the different stages of grieving, or working through pain and disappointment, but it doesn't change how I feel. I sit here typing angrily. Kelly lies in the bed with Halle cuddling through the tears.
I am helpless. We are helpless. Only God can do miracles and I am not very clear on how much our prayers influence him in those decisions. Am I allowed to say that? I feel like I have to right now to be authentic and real, because I definitely feel it.
I am reading "Jayber Crow" by Wendell Berry right now. The section I am read last night/this morning is so applicable right now:
"But the worst day of all was when it hit me that Jesus' own most fervent prayer was refused: "Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." I must have read that verse or heard it a hundred times before without seeing or hearing. Maybe I didn't want to see it. But then one day I saw it. It just knocked me in the head. This, I thought, is what is meant by "they will be done" in the Lord's Prayer, which I had prayed time and again without thinking about it. It means that your will and God's will may not be the same. It means there's a good possibility that you won't get what you pray for. It means that in spite of your prayers you are going to suffer. It means you may be crucified.
After Jesus' terrible prayer at Gethsemane, an angel came to Him gave Him strength, but did not remove the cup...
But now I was unsure what it would be proper to pray for, or how to pray for it. After you have said "thy will be done," what more can be said? And where do you find the strength to pray "thy will be done" after you see what it means?
And what did these questions do to my understanding of all the prayers I had ever heard and prayed? And what did they do to the possibility that I could stand before a congregation...and pray for favorable weather, a good harvest, the recovery of the sick and the strayed, victory in war? DOES PRAYER CHANGE GOD'S MIND? If God's mind can be changed by the wants an wishes of us mere humans, as if deferring to our better judgment, what is the point of praying to Him at all? And what are we to think when two good people pray for opposite things- as when two devout mothers of soldiers on opposite sides prayer for the safety of their sons or for victory?...
"Father, remove this cup from me, " I prayed. And there I stopped. For how would I know what God's will was, even provided I could have the strength to submit to it?...
By then I wasn't just asking questions; I was being changed by them. I was being changed by my prayers, which dwindled down nearer and nearer to silence, which weren't confrontations with God but with difficulty...of knowing what or how to pray..."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Any yet... I prayed with Halle tonight... like every night...for Melissa and Doug and the kids and many other things. I prayed for healing. I prayer for a miracle. I did not pray "but thine will be done", because THAT IS NOT WHAT I WANT MOST RIGHT NOW! If God's will is not to heal this AMAZING WOMAN then I can't honestly say I want it. Who honestly could? Honestly?
Lord,
I want your will, but I don't understand how that can possibly not include Melissa's healing. I can, on the other hand, clearly see how it could/should include her healing. You and I have been here before, at this place. This is where faith and common sense collide, and the collison breaks me and confounds me. My faith persists, but my heart and head and body hurts. I beg that your will and my will are aligned on Melissa's healing. I beg you Lord!
1 comments
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Community, Loving Your Neighbor, Family
I realized recently that I am passionate about things in my "preaching ministry".
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors (Holiness in Action or Active Holiness)
The Role of the Family in Discipleship (both biological and faith families)
(EDIT: I also preach about the Body of Christ quite often, which Kelly just reminded me, but I kind of connect that and flow it into Christian community)
I have known this for a while and felt guilty about it, but realized recently I don't need to. Those are passions God has placed in me. Those are topics I continue to dwell on, research, discuss and grow in. I don't need to know all things, and certainly don't need to preach about all things. This is probably one of the most daunting things to me about the idea of preaching every week, if that were my assignment. I think I would want to talk about these three things every week. Perhaps, if that were my call/assignment I could just rotate them on a once per month basis and then throw in a wild card every fourth week to mix things up and cover other key tenants of the faith. Then, on a fifth Sunday we could just all eat a meal together and allow people to share their stories and God moments of the month.
Another daunting aspect about preaching every week is this... I honestly just don't find that preachers are dynamic enough to preach every week and truly keep most people's attention. Sure, there are some who can do it, but even in those cases I generally think it would be healthier to hear multiple voices from the body sharing from the Word and their experiences. So, I guess that if I ever was the pastor of a Sunday morning church I wouldn't preach every week anyways. Because
a) I don't believe God only, or primarily speaks through one person per congregation/body of believers and
b) I think people need variety, they need different flavors, different perspective. They need to hear from Christian brothers and sisters of different ages and genders and backgrounds and personalities.
So, for me, every time I would/do speak I think I will continue to explore what I know and care about most:
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors
The Role of the Family in Discipleship
(EDIT: Body of Christ)
So, if you ever ask me to speak be prepared. If you want something outside that range, make sure I know ahead of time. :-)
I may write my thoughts on each of those topics in the days ahead, but I am done making blogging promises at this point in my life, so we'll see.
0 comments
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors (Holiness in Action or Active Holiness)
The Role of the Family in Discipleship (both biological and faith families)
(EDIT: I also preach about the Body of Christ quite often, which Kelly just reminded me, but I kind of connect that and flow it into Christian community)
I have known this for a while and felt guilty about it, but realized recently I don't need to. Those are passions God has placed in me. Those are topics I continue to dwell on, research, discuss and grow in. I don't need to know all things, and certainly don't need to preach about all things. This is probably one of the most daunting things to me about the idea of preaching every week, if that were my assignment. I think I would want to talk about these three things every week. Perhaps, if that were my call/assignment I could just rotate them on a once per month basis and then throw in a wild card every fourth week to mix things up and cover other key tenants of the faith. Then, on a fifth Sunday we could just all eat a meal together and allow people to share their stories and God moments of the month.
Another daunting aspect about preaching every week is this... I honestly just don't find that preachers are dynamic enough to preach every week and truly keep most people's attention. Sure, there are some who can do it, but even in those cases I generally think it would be healthier to hear multiple voices from the body sharing from the Word and their experiences. So, I guess that if I ever was the pastor of a Sunday morning church I wouldn't preach every week anyways. Because
a) I don't believe God only, or primarily speaks through one person per congregation/body of believers and
b) I think people need variety, they need different flavors, different perspective. They need to hear from Christian brothers and sisters of different ages and genders and backgrounds and personalities.
So, for me, every time I would/do speak I think I will continue to explore what I know and care about most:
Christian Community
Loving Your Neighbors
The Role of the Family in Discipleship
(EDIT: Body of Christ)
So, if you ever ask me to speak be prepared. If you want something outside that range, make sure I know ahead of time. :-)
I may write my thoughts on each of those topics in the days ahead, but I am done making blogging promises at this point in my life, so we'll see.
0 comments
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Life...
has been flying by in our new town, new life, new pace. Lots of good things. Lots of new friends. Lots of new opportunities. Not a lot of rest.
Overall, God has reminded me that I need to pace myself. I need to take time to slow down. I need to take time to breath deep, to reflect, to dream, to sleep, to relax... all those things we were much better at the last two years.
We are excited about our life here, both what we are experiencing and what we have yet to experience. We are living in a small 3 bedroom apartment, waiting on our house to sell, waiting and waiting, and wondering when we will be able to fully shift our lives to Mt. Vernon. I am still trusting God's timing, but each week, or at least month makes it harder to wait. We feel the need to be more settled here, to be in more of a position to invite other's into our home, to have college kids and the Admissions Staff over, to sleep on our own bed again... but I still trust that we are where we are for a reason, not only in Mt. Vernon, but also at Glen Road.
I love my daughter... I can't deny that she has my heart.
I love my son... his smile can melt me.
I love my wife...I simply love her.
0 comments
Overall, God has reminded me that I need to pace myself. I need to take time to slow down. I need to take time to breath deep, to reflect, to dream, to sleep, to relax... all those things we were much better at the last two years.
We are excited about our life here, both what we are experiencing and what we have yet to experience. We are living in a small 3 bedroom apartment, waiting on our house to sell, waiting and waiting, and wondering when we will be able to fully shift our lives to Mt. Vernon. I am still trusting God's timing, but each week, or at least month makes it harder to wait. We feel the need to be more settled here, to be in more of a position to invite other's into our home, to have college kids and the Admissions Staff over, to sleep on our own bed again... but I still trust that we are where we are for a reason, not only in Mt. Vernon, but also at Glen Road.
I love my daughter... I can't deny that she has my heart.
I love my son... his smile can melt me.
I love my wife...I simply love her.
0 comments
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Big News!
Our Family has been busy! Lots of life change is happening, but we find ourselves feeling peace in these moments as we celebrate…
1) The Birth of our NEW BABY BOY!!!
Introducing…
Judah James William...
He was born at 4:39pm on Monday, 7/7/2008 in Bluffton, OH.
He weighs 6lbs 6ozs and is 19 inches long. He has dark brown hair, a dimpled chin and really soft skin of course.
Kelly is doing well and is thoroughly enjoying bonding with our new son.
Big sister Halle has enjoyed holding him and gave him his first birthday present on Monday night.
Thank you so much for your prayers and support!
Here is the hospital link to view his picture, but I have also included another pic in this e-mail:
http://www.bvhealthsystem.org/BabyNet/ViewBaby.aspx?ID=7348
We should be going home with him later today!
2) A NEW JOB for James!
I have accepted the position of Director of Admissions and Student Recruitment at Mount Vernon Nazarene University.
I accepted the job during the Regional BLAST event on June 12th and we announced it to the crowd that night. My first day working for MVNU was June 30th, but I was speaking at a church camp all week, so I really haven’t completely settled into the office yet. This was to be my first week in the office, but Judah altered those plans. We have been on a home repair blitz with much help from our church, friends and family. I will be traveling back and forth over the next month. We hope to have our house listed this week and are praying it will sell by the end of the month. We have already seen 15+ houses in Mt. Vernon and have a few favorites, but won’t offer until ours sells. Most of you know how vital house church is to our DNA, so we are looking for a house with this in mind. Please pray with us that the Lord would lead us to the right neighborhood, the right neighbors and the right house. We are still figuring out temporary plans for us to all be together in Mt. Vernon starting in August until our house in Findlay sells.
We are so excited about this opportunity for multiple reasons. Vocationally it is a fantastic fit for my heart, skills and passions. I have been working in the RPO/Recruiting industry for a year and a half and enjoy it, but now I can take those skills to MVNU (which I have always had passion for) and work with teens and college students (whom I have always had a passion to work with). It is a great mix for my administrative desires and my ministry desires. If you know me, you know I love MVNU, so this makes sense on multiple levels. MVNU has been a part of my life since I was 4½, when my parents went back to finish their degrees! In addition, Kelly will no longer need to work. She has desired for quite some time to stay at home with our child(ren), and this move will provide that opportunity, with a few adjustments in our spending habits. J This is huge for us and something that has dominated our conversation for a couple years. Finally, we can’t wait to join the MVNU community. We have missed it through the years and always had a desire to return. We hope to be a positive influence in the lives of the college students, faculty and staff there in the same way our mentors there influenced our lives. I will also continue to serve as the Regional Big Picture Trainer and be available to speak at youth events, both of which are a natural mix for this role.
Here is the press release for the job: www.ncnnews.com/nphweb/html/ncn/article.jsp?id=10006153
Lot of stuff going on and we are just hanging on for the ride. Kelly just looked at me as she is holding Judah and said softly with tears in her eyes, “I am so happy”.
That pretty much sums it up for us!
Peace and Love.
1 comments
Sunday, June 15, 2008
You know you are bald...
when your wife is applying sunscreen to you and she begins to rub it into your hair without warning... like you expected her to.
0 comments
0 comments
Thursday, February 21, 2008
True or False
I found this written on a piece of paper today. I am not sure if it was a thought that came to me one day that I was trying to think through, a quote or a comment in a conversation, but what I am wondering is...
TRUE or FALSE
"Church bodies have life cycles like physical bodies have life cycles.
They are born. They grow. They live. They die (whether literally or essentially)."
6 comments
TRUE or FALSE
"Church bodies have life cycles like physical bodies have life cycles.
They are born. They grow. They live. They die (whether literally or essentially)."
6 comments
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Benji's Letter: Part I
A close friend of mine (Benji) from our house church recently wrote a letter to a friend of his who is several states away. I am going to post it on here in a series of 2-4 posts. The entire letter is so good, but it deals with a couple different things that I would love to share with you. As Bemji read this letter he had written to our church one night I could hear myself saying these exact same things to any of you. Benji and I have been living life together for 5 years now, and we don't always agree on everything, but this letter reminded me how much we have grown together and share a common heart and path to where we find ourselves. Anything in parentheses is a comment of mine. As you read these words please hear them as words that I would use to explain to you where I have been and where I am headed..."First of all, let me tell you a little about what is going on in our lives to bring you up to speed. About 15 months ago we left the church that we had previously being going to, and also the church that I was raised in because we felt like the questions that we were asking about God, ourselves, and the world we live in were not being addressed. (I wasn't raised in this church, but it is a mirror image of my own church in immeasurable ways. I often feel their people, struggles and issues have reflected one another.)
Since then we have been meeting in our living rooms with about 5-10 other families who are asking some of the same questions. We are attempting to listen to the voice of God throughout history to see what he has repeated…what is it that he is really saying…through the lives of his people in the OT… the prophets, the kings, the political and religious systems…where Jesus fits into the story historically…and what Jesus actual message was to his people."This is a great summary of what we have been trying to do, how we got to where we are at and the journey we have found ourselves on. I will pick up from here next time I post. Not anything major, just a good summary of my journey/our community's journey this past year and a half.
2 comments
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Free Wifi - Boston Stoker
We are in Dayton, Ohio for Part II of our Christmas Vacation adventure. I am working remotely the next 2 days, so that Kelly and Halle can hang with the family a little longer and I can enjoy their company in the evenings. After a humorous attempt to work from BW3's last night (they were the only place I could find with free Wi-Fi in the area) I went on a search for a new work spot today. I drove all over Dayton's Northside and downtown until I found a Boston Stoker right downtown. Boston Stoker is a Dayton based coffee chain, that intends to stay in the greater Dayton area only and has snappy, humorous and condescending slogans objecting to national chains like Starbucks written on their bathroom walls. I used up someone's last 38 minutes of downtown parking at the Boston Stoker to look for one closer to the inlaws house, where I wouldn't have to pay $4 an hour for parking. I found one that looked close, called and confirmed they had free Wifi and took off. It turns out this trendy and comfortable little coffee shop is only about 5 minutes from the inlaws abode, and I wasted close to 2 hours (via internet search and driving) looking for some place to connect to the world wide web. Oh, if only one of the 20 people I asked on the street last night would have known. So... if you are looking for free Wifi in Dayton, Ohio now you know where to go. There are only about 25 of these places in town.
I would love to tell you more about the BW3 endeavor last night. Let's just say I was there from 9-1, invited some folks to sit with me since it was packed out and enjoyed some Karaoke, in lieu of my headphones, as the background music for my work toils.
Herb and Chuck... it was nice meeting you.
4 comments
I would love to tell you more about the BW3 endeavor last night. Let's just say I was there from 9-1, invited some folks to sit with me since it was packed out and enjoyed some Karaoke, in lieu of my headphones, as the background music for my work toils.
Herb and Chuck... it was nice meeting you.
4 comments
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Merry Christmas
I snuck onto Kelly’s computer while she was sleeping and had a little fun. I know a lot of people have been doing his and sending these out, but I found it quite humorous myself to select and adapt these pictures of Kelly!
Check it out by clicking the link below:
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1551626037
It is our little way of saying Merry Christmas Kelly style!
Love you all!
James (and Kelly and Halle, even though they don’t know it)
2 comments
Check it out by clicking the link below:
http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1551626037
It is our little way of saying Merry Christmas Kelly style!
Love you all!
James (and Kelly and Halle, even though they don’t know it)
2 comments
Saturday, December 08, 2007
Coffee Amici
Findlay does not have a Starbucks... or a Caribou Cofee, or a Seattle's Best, or even a Cup O' Joe... the closest thing we get to cardboard cutout coffee shops is our newly built Tim Hortons, which is honestly just your average, inexpensive Canadian java, accompanied by delicious donuts! If you don't know what Timbits are I grieve for you.
Tonight my family went to hear one of my friends from work sing at open mic night at Coffee Amici. Coffee Amici is celebrating their 5 year anniversary on Monday with .99 anything you want on the menu drinks. They are a self proclaimed "fine arts coffeehouse" nestled in our very active downtown, close to the courthouse on Main Street. The seats are not as comfortable as other places, and then ambiance is not as restful as some, but the entertainment/music is unparalleled in this county of 90K! The coffee is strong when black, and favored by many strong coffee drinkers.
Morey's is the newbie. The store had been around as a downtown corner newspaper/book store for years, but they recently decided to reinvent themselves. They bought a building across Main Street, gutted it and built it to suit. It is awesome inside. Definitely has a more business class feel to it, which includes a much quieter atmosphere, with softly played and well selected music. Their close earlier for now unfortunately. If I want to get something done during the day I go there, as do many others who need a break from the office. The coffee is good, but rather similar to other shops as well. They do offer any paper, which they have a ton of, for .25 when you buy a cup of coffee. This is my favorite feature if I get there before the Plain Dealer is gone. Man, I love that newspaper! They also have the largest selection of magazines in town and quite a few books in the back, along with a small child's play area to distract the kids while mom catches up with her friends over coffee. The nice thing is that it is a long shop, so it is far enough back that you don't really hear any kids up front. They actually just opened a second shop in town, but I haven't been there yet, so I am not sure what it is like.
1 comments
What we do have are three fantastic and unique locally owned Coffee shops:
Tonight my family went to hear one of my friends from work sing at open mic night at Coffee Amici. Coffee Amici is celebrating their 5 year anniversary on Monday with .99 anything you want on the menu drinks. They are a self proclaimed "fine arts coffeehouse" nestled in our very active downtown, close to the courthouse on Main Street. The seats are not as comfortable as other places, and then ambiance is not as restful as some, but the entertainment/music is unparalleled in this county of 90K! The coffee is strong when black, and favored by many strong coffee drinkers. George House has been around these part for much longer than I have. It is conveniently located across from the University of Findlay on Main Street. It is bustling from morning to night with college kids, seminary students, pastors, a few older regulars and a lot of teens at certain times of the day. The walls are lined with books and protruding book shelves break up the space into nice little cubies for fellowship. Their coffee is typical, but their hot tea selection is unmatched... in Findlay. They also sell many organically grown spices, herbs and other items that have a longer shelf life. I used to study here a lot, but when the teens take over, I take off, cause it gets loud! Lots of art on the walls and a good ambiance, but a little louder than many coffee shops.
Morey's is the newbie. The store had been around as a downtown corner newspaper/book store for years, but they recently decided to reinvent themselves. They bought a building across Main Street, gutted it and built it to suit. It is awesome inside. Definitely has a more business class feel to it, which includes a much quieter atmosphere, with softly played and well selected music. Their close earlier for now unfortunately. If I want to get something done during the day I go there, as do many others who need a break from the office. The coffee is good, but rather similar to other shops as well. They do offer any paper, which they have a ton of, for .25 when you buy a cup of coffee. This is my favorite feature if I get there before the Plain Dealer is gone. Man, I love that newspaper! They also have the largest selection of magazines in town and quite a few books in the back, along with a small child's play area to distract the kids while mom catches up with her friends over coffee. The nice thing is that it is a long shop, so it is far enough back that you don't really hear any kids up front. They actually just opened a second shop in town, but I haven't been there yet, so I am not sure what it is like.So, there you have it. Coffee Shops in Findlay. If you are in town try one of them out and if Starbucks decides to come to town to appease all of our abundantly wealthy citizens, please don't get off the interstate for it. Main Street is only 2 minutes away and there are 3 coffee shops on it that deserve your attention.
(Ok, there are a couple others. There is a coffee shop in the hospital that 2 of my friends work at and it makes the entire lobby smell great, and there is small one called Java Station where Sarah used to work, that mainly stays alive because the Marathon Building is right around the corner. It is get it an go place for the most part and only has 4-5 seats in it.)
1 comments
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Hunsakers
Our dear friends the Hunsakers checked into the hospital last night for the birth of their 2nd child and are still going. 39+ hours of labor so far, but Heidi is determined to have a natural birth this time. The doctors are supporting her. Pray for speed and safety if you read this soon. Speed and Safety.
I can't believe that one of us is going to be a two child family tomorrow. Wow. We were just getting used to everyone having 1 kid.
0 comments
I can't believe that one of us is going to be a two child family tomorrow. Wow. We were just getting used to everyone having 1 kid.
0 comments
Monday, December 03, 2007
Thursdays
Our house church decided to move our gathering from Saturdays to Thursdays, starting this week. We are meeting at our house this Thursday for dinner at 6:15pm and teaching/discussion and 7pm. We have decided that folks can show up earlier to help cook or just hang, and we may eat 10 minutes earlier or later, but the 7pm time is set. Sometimes teaching has gotten squeezed out or pushed back to that special time just before the kids loose it, so we have decided that we will read/review the weekly Scripture together at 7 and our teachers will take turns teaching, as they desire. The weekends became too hard and we often had to move it around. We have a desire for consistency in when we gather and perhaps even how we gather. I think we will all be more consistent with this new day/time and it seems like it can only be good for us. So, here we go to the next chapter of our young life as a body. If you are around Findlay this Thursday feel free to stop by... but don't forget to bring the dessert :-) ... I'm serious about the dessert.
1 comments
1 comments
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I watched this "chick flick" tonight. About 1/3 of the way through JP had enough and was compelled to go read about theology at George House (which is noble JP). When he left I moved over on the loveseat and seated myself next to my love and said, "You can tell JP isn't in a serious relationship, because he can't see the beauty in chick flicks yet." When you are in a relationships you begin to enjoy those things a little, or at least you should.
In all honesty the movie did some things well.
Crash
Pay It Forward
Elizabeth Town
Big Fish
Dead Poet's Society
Good Will Hunting
Shawshank - duh!
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mr. and Mrs. Smith :-)
2 comments
In all honesty the movie did some things well.
- It made me want to make a LARGER difference in the world, a feeling that most movies with any amount of depth stir up in me. Sure, it accomplished this through pulling on some emotional heartstrings concerning the fraility of life, but I enjoyed the little tug.
- It made me miss my friends. It is movie about meaningful relationships and it caused me to miss those who are far, so I have spent the last 2+ hours catching up on all of your blogs.
- It made me appreciate what we have here... amazing friends... a wonderful body of believers surrounding us... honesty, vulnerability, intimacy, depth, knownness.
Crash
Pay It Forward
Elizabeth Town
Big Fish
Dead Poet's Society
Good Will Hunting
Shawshank - duh!
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mr. and Mrs. Smith :-)
2 comments
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Any Thoughts?
“But the family has changed. It is now a dependent social unit of consumption, rather than an independent unit of production.”
- Living the Faith Community, John H. Westerhoff III
2 comments
- Living the Faith Community, John H. Westerhoff III
2 comments
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Housemates
We currently have a full house. JP moved back in with us at the end of June and it has become increasingly permanent every since. He is working on staff in BG at the church that I am serving at as the interim youth pastor/family ministry consultant. My friend Joel (a former fellow youth pastor) is the pastor and he asked me to come on staff part-time to transition them from an "entertainment-based" youth ministry to a family focused ministry, which is in line with my passion. After much deliberation, questions, community discussions here in Findlay and some clarifications, I signed on part-time and temporary. I cut my hours back at work and have been working there 2 half days a week, plus Sunday nights since April. It has been a good balance for me, to remain in the work force, and yet have time to minister to teens and their families. I have spent a lot of time with parents, talking to them, asking tough questions, giving encouragement and helping them develop a vision and heart for their family. The transition is moving slowly, but surely, and quickly in certain areas. There are some great parents and amazing teen in the group. This past week we decided to cut one day off of my weekly routine, as I commited to stay on through the fall, so I will now be going up there 1 half day a week and Sunday nights. I am very excited about that decision, as it frees me up to be more present in our community here in Findlay, and with our house church.
JP came to visit a week or two after his graduation and stayed for a night. We talked about a lot of things and a lot of options and enjoyed one another's company for a night. He took off to head back to Oklahoma a couple days later and give it a shot for a few weeks/months. He was back quicker than expected and I happened to call him as he was heading home. I reminded him that Kelly and I would love to have him come live with us on a more permanent basis and told him about a potential opportunity at the church I was working at. He came up and met with Joel and Jennifer (the pastor's wife/PT children's pastor) and it was a match. They brought him on to lead their worship band, plan intentional worship experience and to lead the church into conversations and actions in the arena of social justice. So, JP has been here for over two months now and every day seems more real. We love it, Halle really loves "JTee" (as she calls him) and I think JP loves it as well. He is really gifted at what he does and it is such a blessing to serve alongside and live life with one of my first teens. He is truly an amazing young man and friend. He feels more and more like family to us every day.
Two families from our house church decided that we should all move into a mobile home park and commit to living in closer proximity to one another. The one family, the Brewers, decided not to renew their lease, which was up two Monday's ago. They weren't able to get a trailer in that time, so we moved all of their possessions into our garage. They stayed with the Stemen's last week and have moved into the Smith Abode for this week. It is so much fun having them here, as they are VERY easy to live with. Their matress is set up in our family room, behind the couch (we have a very large family room 20x25) and their 9 month old daughter is in the pantry/future study. The house is lively, and I am so excited that we are using it to its full potential right now. It is fulfilling for me, and Kelly is enjoying it as well. I like when we can use our home in a way the encourages and helps others. I hope that we can continue to find ways to do so (thanks for the couchsurfing.com link Eric, I signed up!).
So, things are good. I will try to write more about the house church aspect of things another time. In short, we are enjoying our community. We are enjoying our housemate. We are enjoying life. We'll see what tomorrow holds.
2 comments
JP came to visit a week or two after his graduation and stayed for a night. We talked about a lot of things and a lot of options and enjoyed one another's company for a night. He took off to head back to Oklahoma a couple days later and give it a shot for a few weeks/months. He was back quicker than expected and I happened to call him as he was heading home. I reminded him that Kelly and I would love to have him come live with us on a more permanent basis and told him about a potential opportunity at the church I was working at. He came up and met with Joel and Jennifer (the pastor's wife/PT children's pastor) and it was a match. They brought him on to lead their worship band, plan intentional worship experience and to lead the church into conversations and actions in the arena of social justice. So, JP has been here for over two months now and every day seems more real. We love it, Halle really loves "JTee" (as she calls him) and I think JP loves it as well. He is really gifted at what he does and it is such a blessing to serve alongside and live life with one of my first teens. He is truly an amazing young man and friend. He feels more and more like family to us every day.
Two families from our house church decided that we should all move into a mobile home park and commit to living in closer proximity to one another. The one family, the Brewers, decided not to renew their lease, which was up two Monday's ago. They weren't able to get a trailer in that time, so we moved all of their possessions into our garage. They stayed with the Stemen's last week and have moved into the Smith Abode for this week. It is so much fun having them here, as they are VERY easy to live with. Their matress is set up in our family room, behind the couch (we have a very large family room 20x25) and their 9 month old daughter is in the pantry/future study. The house is lively, and I am so excited that we are using it to its full potential right now. It is fulfilling for me, and Kelly is enjoying it as well. I like when we can use our home in a way the encourages and helps others. I hope that we can continue to find ways to do so (thanks for the couchsurfing.com link Eric, I signed up!).
So, things are good. I will try to write more about the house church aspect of things another time. In short, we are enjoying our community. We are enjoying our housemate. We are enjoying life. We'll see what tomorrow holds.
2 comments
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
one conversation at a time
I study for my Master's every Monday, from after work until midnight. Studying consists of reading articles and books to finish the thesis for my Master's. I have hit about 23 walls while working on this project, but am currently making some progress and feeling a little better. I want to be done with it in December. I really want to be done with it in December.
Tonight I cheated. Instead of going to the library after work, I went to the Hunsaker's for dinner. I missed Kelly. I missed Halle. I missed the Ballmers and Hunsaker and Stemens and Brewers and JP. It has been such a busy week with all the destruction and restoration going on. It was such a nice time of being with one another. It was refreshing, and then I went and got a solid 3.5 hours in on my project, so it worked out fine.
I picked a book off the shelves of the library called, "Making Disciples - one conversation at a time". I breezed through most of the book, not seeing much to glean, but found a very helpful section on the "one another" statements of the New Testament and how they guide life in Christian community. Then, I found a fantastic page and a half at the end that I have to share with you. There is some church language he uses that I wouldn't use, but I love the application of this Scripture. It may not be a new thought for you, but it is for me and I love the application of it to my life, your life and the way we ought to live. If you have time... please read it.
-- From Making Disciples - one conversation at a time
"One denominational leader lamented, "... What are we doing wrong?"
I asked, "How straight can you take it?"
He responded, "I'm desperate to know the truth. Our church is dying."
Here's what I told him: "The efforts of your denomination remind me of that story in the reign of King David, when God put it in his heart to bring the ark up to Jerusalem and set it in the Tabernacle (2 Sam. 6; 1 Chron. 13). He place the ark on a cart, drawn by oxen, and headed for Jerusalem. Along the way the oxen stumbled, and the two sons of Abinadab, Uzzah and Ahio, reached up to steady it. When Uzzah touched the ark he was struck down dead, and the whole enterprise came to a halt. David became angry with God that his friend had been killed.... So here's my questions: Where did David get the idea of carrying the ark on a wagon?
"From the Philistines, " He answered correctly. "It had cause so much trouble back in their country that they loaded it on a wagon and sent it back to Israel."
"Exactly!" I told him. "David's bungled project is a pefect picture of your denominations: you are cretainly God's dear people, and you are sincerely trying to accomplish what you belive to be God's will. But you have borrowed your methods from the Philistines. God have explicit insturctiona bout how the ark was to be carried so this very thing woudld not happen. But when you use Philistine methods to do God's work, people get hurt and the whole enterprise breaks down.'
Listen... Why don't we just do what Jesus told us to do: make disciples. And why don't we do it like He did: Daily conversations about the kingdom of God with a few close personal friends -- right in the context of every day life."
Michael D. Henderson
Making Disciples - one conversation at a time
pgs. 172-173
2 comments
Tonight I cheated. Instead of going to the library after work, I went to the Hunsaker's for dinner. I missed Kelly. I missed Halle. I missed the Ballmers and Hunsaker and Stemens and Brewers and JP. It has been such a busy week with all the destruction and restoration going on. It was such a nice time of being with one another. It was refreshing, and then I went and got a solid 3.5 hours in on my project, so it worked out fine.
I picked a book off the shelves of the library called, "Making Disciples - one conversation at a time". I breezed through most of the book, not seeing much to glean, but found a very helpful section on the "one another" statements of the New Testament and how they guide life in Christian community. Then, I found a fantastic page and a half at the end that I have to share with you. There is some church language he uses that I wouldn't use, but I love the application of this Scripture. It may not be a new thought for you, but it is for me and I love the application of it to my life, your life and the way we ought to live. If you have time... please read it.
-- From Making Disciples - one conversation at a time
"One denominational leader lamented, "... What are we doing wrong?"
I asked, "How straight can you take it?"
He responded, "I'm desperate to know the truth. Our church is dying."
Here's what I told him: "The efforts of your denomination remind me of that story in the reign of King David, when God put it in his heart to bring the ark up to Jerusalem and set it in the Tabernacle (2 Sam. 6; 1 Chron. 13). He place the ark on a cart, drawn by oxen, and headed for Jerusalem. Along the way the oxen stumbled, and the two sons of Abinadab, Uzzah and Ahio, reached up to steady it. When Uzzah touched the ark he was struck down dead, and the whole enterprise came to a halt. David became angry with God that his friend had been killed.... So here's my questions: Where did David get the idea of carrying the ark on a wagon?
"From the Philistines, " He answered correctly. "It had cause so much trouble back in their country that they loaded it on a wagon and sent it back to Israel."
"Exactly!" I told him. "David's bungled project is a pefect picture of your denominations: you are cretainly God's dear people, and you are sincerely trying to accomplish what you belive to be God's will. But you have borrowed your methods from the Philistines. God have explicit insturctiona bout how the ark was to be carried so this very thing woudld not happen. But when you use Philistine methods to do God's work, people get hurt and the whole enterprise breaks down.'
Listen... Why don't we just do what Jesus told us to do: make disciples. And why don't we do it like He did: Daily conversations about the kingdom of God with a few close personal friends -- right in the context of every day life."
Michael D. Henderson
Making Disciples - one conversation at a time
pgs. 172-173
2 comments
Sunday, August 26, 2007
We Survived
So... we survived the great flood of Findlay.
It is so strange to live in a town that has endured a natural diaster. It is strange because I have always been the one watching the news from afar, not knowing how to help. It is strange because I live on the north end, and many north enders never even saw the flood other than on their tv screens. It is strange because some of our friends actually had to desert their house and stay with us until the flood waters receded. It is strange because there are mounds of rubbish on every street south of the river, throughout the downtown area and alongside any creek... very eerie and sad.
JP and I helped friends clean up their downtown restaurant today. They are within 2 blocks of the river but have never been breached in previous floods. This time 5 inches of poopy water filled their shop from front to back. 5 inches of poopy water is a big deal for a restaurant, but not as bad as it could have been and is for others. We are hoping they can reopen this source of income for their family on Monday AM, after the health inspector visit. From there we drove around to friends homes and businesses to assess the damage and see how we can help in the upcoming days. One family had 3-4 FEET of water in both of their businesses, their only source of income and another 5 feet in their basement at home, all located downtown. Another family stored many family memorabilla in the crawl space of their small house and couldn't do a thing when the waters rose multiple feet in 30 minutes. Now, there is a muddy, soaked pile of belongings stuck in their crawl space waiting to be disposed of. A family from work had their main source of income literally get swept down the river. The river came in one wall of windows, swept up all of his tools and and pushed them out the other windows and down the river. Another friend's entire church is a total loss. Everything, all sound equipment, all chairs, all computers, everything they had. Gone.
People's homes are destroyed. Other's primary source of income has been eliminated, or at least made inoperable for an unknown amount of time. As we drove around and talked to people I saw varying degrees of disbelief and dismay. Many are not sure where to turn. Insurance was either not sufficient, doesn't cover certain things or has a high deductible ($5K for one friend). We discussed this at length at house church tonight. We have been active and plan to be active. We created a list of projects we want to help with, from friends and family we have talked to. My friend Tracy is bringing a crew down from his church in Oregon, Ohio tomorrow, which will help put a dent in our list.
Thanks for your prayers, calls, e-mails and texts.
We appreciate it.
We are fine, but there are many who are not. They are broken.
Pray that we will come in contact with those people and can extend a hand or lend an ear as needed.
2 comments
It is so strange to live in a town that has endured a natural diaster. It is strange because I have always been the one watching the news from afar, not knowing how to help. It is strange because I live on the north end, and many north enders never even saw the flood other than on their tv screens. It is strange because some of our friends actually had to desert their house and stay with us until the flood waters receded. It is strange because there are mounds of rubbish on every street south of the river, throughout the downtown area and alongside any creek... very eerie and sad.
JP and I helped friends clean up their downtown restaurant today. They are within 2 blocks of the river but have never been breached in previous floods. This time 5 inches of poopy water filled their shop from front to back. 5 inches of poopy water is a big deal for a restaurant, but not as bad as it could have been and is for others. We are hoping they can reopen this source of income for their family on Monday AM, after the health inspector visit. From there we drove around to friends homes and businesses to assess the damage and see how we can help in the upcoming days. One family had 3-4 FEET of water in both of their businesses, their only source of income and another 5 feet in their basement at home, all located downtown. Another family stored many family memorabilla in the crawl space of their small house and couldn't do a thing when the waters rose multiple feet in 30 minutes. Now, there is a muddy, soaked pile of belongings stuck in their crawl space waiting to be disposed of. A family from work had their main source of income literally get swept down the river. The river came in one wall of windows, swept up all of his tools and and pushed them out the other windows and down the river. Another friend's entire church is a total loss. Everything, all sound equipment, all chairs, all computers, everything they had. Gone.
People's homes are destroyed. Other's primary source of income has been eliminated, or at least made inoperable for an unknown amount of time. As we drove around and talked to people I saw varying degrees of disbelief and dismay. Many are not sure where to turn. Insurance was either not sufficient, doesn't cover certain things or has a high deductible ($5K for one friend). We discussed this at length at house church tonight. We have been active and plan to be active. We created a list of projects we want to help with, from friends and family we have talked to. My friend Tracy is bringing a crew down from his church in Oregon, Ohio tomorrow, which will help put a dent in our list.
Thanks for your prayers, calls, e-mails and texts.
We appreciate it.
We are fine, but there are many who are not. They are broken.
Pray that we will come in contact with those people and can extend a hand or lend an ear as needed.
2 comments
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Its True
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Searching For God Knows What: Part 1
I finished Searching For God Knows What today.
I have been reading it for a year.
I started reading it and got to page 130 or so. Then I got distracted by life, a new career, focusing on my MA, etc. I finally picked it back up about two months ago and started over. I read slowly when I really like a book and I really liked this one. I underlined many things and marked significant pages. I shared from it along the way with friends. The last two weeks or so it has really dominated me though. This struggle I have been in, the noise I have been hearing, had a lot to do with life circumstances clashing with thoughts this book had been stirring. The past couple of weeks I began to see how all the pieces of the book were moving toward a crescendo. I had recognized the obvious threads of thought he maintained throughout the book, but as I began to see where we were headed I was struck by it and challenged in a deep part of my being. I am working through it, thinking through it and honestly praying through it, in an attempt to understand the extent of the implications this will have on my life.
I am thankful for Donald Miller. I connect with his writing. I connect with his perspective. I connect with his theology. I connect with the same God who longs to show us how much He loves us and longs to see that love reciprocated in our lives.
1 comments
I have been reading it for a year.
I started reading it and got to page 130 or so. Then I got distracted by life, a new career, focusing on my MA, etc. I finally picked it back up about two months ago and started over. I read slowly when I really like a book and I really liked this one. I underlined many things and marked significant pages. I shared from it along the way with friends. The last two weeks or so it has really dominated me though. This struggle I have been in, the noise I have been hearing, had a lot to do with life circumstances clashing with thoughts this book had been stirring. The past couple of weeks I began to see how all the pieces of the book were moving toward a crescendo. I had recognized the obvious threads of thought he maintained throughout the book, but as I began to see where we were headed I was struck by it and challenged in a deep part of my being. I am working through it, thinking through it and honestly praying through it, in an attempt to understand the extent of the implications this will have on my life.
I am thankful for Donald Miller. I connect with his writing. I connect with his perspective. I connect with his theology. I connect with the same God who longs to show us how much He loves us and longs to see that love reciprocated in our lives.
1 comments
Monday, June 11, 2007
Noise
I tried to sit silently tonight, but was overwhelmed with NOISE. Too many thoughts. Too many ideas. Too many options. Too may to-dos. I tried to pray. I prayed for peace. I prayed for silence. I prayed for peace... inside.
2 comments
2 comments
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Questioning from SoCal
We left for vacation last Friday, the day after my 30th b-day. My b-day was amazing. I got off work early and went to lunch with Kelly and Halle, we then returned home to put Halle down for a nap while we waited on the babysitter to show up. While we were waiting we played bocce ball in the back yard (a favorite of mine) and then moved inside to play some game together. After a couple minutes I looked out our sliding glass doors and a man appeared. I was taken back for a moment and realized it was Eric S. and 3 other guys were with him. As my mind began to perceive what was happening I realized the other guys were Mark, Kevin and Dave B. Someone these four great friends, who all live thorughout central ohio had found their way to my back porch in NW Ohio at the same time. The short of it is that my amazing wife surprised me with a night with the guys and told me it was a surprise date with her. I was shocked... literally shocked. I opened my card from her and there were five tickets to the Indians/Tigers game in CLEVELAND!!! 2.5ish hours later we were sitting in our seats and Jacob's field enjoying our refreshments and I was soaking in the company of these four amazing friends of mine. A little bonus after the game was that the Q (cav's arena) was open and people were flooding in. They were showing the Cavs/Pistons game (which was in Detroit) on the huge screens. We followed the crowd in and watched the last quarter and both overtimes of Lebron James' greatest game ever in the Q with 12-15K other Cavs Fans. It was packed and we were going crazy. I reverted back to the college days and simply LET LOOSE! To top it off, Mark and Eric came back to our house to spend the night and the next day (till 3) with us. It was probably the most amazing surprise 30th b-day celebration I could have ever received. Wow! Please now adorn my wife with your mental praises... she knows how to work it!
So we have been in San Diego for a week. We are staying in a 2 bedroom apartment unit at PLNU. It has been a great week! We have spent time with friends who came to stay with us, and others who live in town. We have spent time with family. My parents came to stay the entire week with us. We have gone to beaches, the zoo, the Midway, a house church, Wenchel's, lots of other good restaurants and so much more. I have loved every moment of it, but there has definitely been some major things on my mind.
Before we left Findlay, our friend, who began the "official" house church we are a part of, came over to talk for and hour and a half or so while we packed. It wasn't ideal, but it was pressing, and the conversation needed to happen face to face before we flew out. In short, they have decided to go on staff at a church in Illinois with a family member and are moving ASAP. It is a complete and total shock. It has knocked me off my rocker. I have only known this family for a year and a half, but it clearly feels like longer. I was not expecting this at all. I feel like I need more time with them, more conversations, more tears, more stories. I have many, many thoughts that don't need to be shared, but here is what I will share... THIS HAS MADE EVERYTHING SEEM SO FRAGILE TO ME. My perception and reality of community, that we have been intimately living for four years, seems made of paper right now. This family isn't one of the four we eat with on a nightly basis, but are with them a ton, it had been increasing as of late, and I feel very close to them.
It is really making me question a lot of things and I can't begin to explain the extent of it. I feel like I need something from you friends. Perhaps a prayer. Perhaps a quick thought via e-mail. Perhaps a voice mail with some of your thoughts about community/transition/vocation/call/etc. Perhaps I just needed you to know this journey my mind is on right now.
I can't even begin to express how this has dominated my thoughts the past week. My friend Melanie kept saying, "Are you here? Are you present with us?", reminding me to set it aside and enjoy the moment, which I would, but I kept drifting back. I know I am not expressing this well, but it is primarily because I have much to discuss with our community when I get home before I can discuss it here. I will fill in the blanks as I can.
We will be traveling home tomorrow. I hope to read, sleep and journal... we will see what Halle thinks about that. Thanks.
1 comments
So we have been in San Diego for a week. We are staying in a 2 bedroom apartment unit at PLNU. It has been a great week! We have spent time with friends who came to stay with us, and others who live in town. We have spent time with family. My parents came to stay the entire week with us. We have gone to beaches, the zoo, the Midway, a house church, Wenchel's, lots of other good restaurants and so much more. I have loved every moment of it, but there has definitely been some major things on my mind.
Before we left Findlay, our friend, who began the "official" house church we are a part of, came over to talk for and hour and a half or so while we packed. It wasn't ideal, but it was pressing, and the conversation needed to happen face to face before we flew out. In short, they have decided to go on staff at a church in Illinois with a family member and are moving ASAP. It is a complete and total shock. It has knocked me off my rocker. I have only known this family for a year and a half, but it clearly feels like longer. I was not expecting this at all. I feel like I need more time with them, more conversations, more tears, more stories. I have many, many thoughts that don't need to be shared, but here is what I will share... THIS HAS MADE EVERYTHING SEEM SO FRAGILE TO ME. My perception and reality of community, that we have been intimately living for four years, seems made of paper right now. This family isn't one of the four we eat with on a nightly basis, but are with them a ton, it had been increasing as of late, and I feel very close to them.
It is really making me question a lot of things and I can't begin to explain the extent of it. I feel like I need something from you friends. Perhaps a prayer. Perhaps a quick thought via e-mail. Perhaps a voice mail with some of your thoughts about community/transition/vocation/call/etc. Perhaps I just needed you to know this journey my mind is on right now.
I can't even begin to express how this has dominated my thoughts the past week. My friend Melanie kept saying, "Are you here? Are you present with us?", reminding me to set it aside and enjoy the moment, which I would, but I kept drifting back. I know I am not expressing this well, but it is primarily because I have much to discuss with our community when I get home before I can discuss it here. I will fill in the blanks as I can.
We will be traveling home tomorrow. I hope to read, sleep and journal... we will see what Halle thinks about that. Thanks.
1 comments
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
One last post for my twenties
I know I haven't been on here for a while. Thanks for the wake up call K. Actually, I have been on here quite a few times, but every time I begin to post I feel like it is too long or too brief, too thick or too simple, too serious or too silly... so I decline to post and save my thoughts elsewhere.
In all honesty I have so much running through my head lately, that a consistent record of my thoughts would contain a vast array of random topics and thought processes that have consumed my mind, and it would clearly reveal the insanity that lies therein. Many new "things" have begun and ended, but I will wait until another day to share some of that... perhaps.
Today I am writing simply because this is the last post of my twenties. I turn 30 tomorrow morn, and I feel a bit awkward about it. My college buddies who have preceded me into this 30 something realm have appeared unintimidated and unaffected by it, but I am not in that camp. I think it sucks that my 20s are over. I really enjoyed them and I feel old. I feel like I should have accomplished something great by now. I feel like I should have "made my mark" by now... in what, I don't really know, but in something. I have always had these grandiose dreams of doing great things or making a difference on some large scale, but I am not sure what that is really all about.
The past 6 months of transition have made me less sure and less confident about most questions concerning career, vocation, call and ministry. At the same time it has made me more sure and more confident about what those things don't look like. I am more aware of what are some of the non-negotiables in my life and the life of my family; elements of our life together and our life with others that we can not and will not live without from here on.
I am content in many ways, even more fulfilled that I have ever been before, and yet I am restless in others. I am asking a lot of questions to myself and of myself. I am seeking answers... passively at times and aggressively in moments. I am growing... as a person. I am learning some new things; about myself, about my marriage, about others, about being a Christ follower. I like our new pace of life; slower, more intentional, more communal, less hectic, less demanding, more available.
At some point I was rather clear about what my future would look like, but that vision is very blurry now. I am ok with that... I think. I just wish I were 5 years younger asking the questions that we are asking now and taking the actions in our lives that we are now pursuing. I have sought to encourage this in others, especially a few friends who recently graduated from college, and it has been very rewarding. I am happy with where we are at in the process... most days... and other days I simply don't know where we are at or where we are headed.
I enjoy our community. I enjoy our endeavor to discover community and mission. I enjoy discovering more about who I am. I enjoy conversations. I enjoy my daughter... so, so, so much (I feel so bad for those of you who don't know her, because she can make your day with one look... even if you aren't her father). I enjoy my wife... more each day (I feel so bad for those of you who don't get to see her often, because her presence is life giving. She is honest and sincere and real and funny and knows how to throw a great dance party for our family). I enjoy this place in my life, so 30 really isn't bad, it is just weird, because something is seemingly ending, even if it is an imaginary line. I hope to write more, but time will tell. I miss you all and hope to catch up on some of you through blogs and e-mails soon. peace.
6 comments
In all honesty I have so much running through my head lately, that a consistent record of my thoughts would contain a vast array of random topics and thought processes that have consumed my mind, and it would clearly reveal the insanity that lies therein. Many new "things" have begun and ended, but I will wait until another day to share some of that... perhaps.
Today I am writing simply because this is the last post of my twenties. I turn 30 tomorrow morn, and I feel a bit awkward about it. My college buddies who have preceded me into this 30 something realm have appeared unintimidated and unaffected by it, but I am not in that camp. I think it sucks that my 20s are over. I really enjoyed them and I feel old. I feel like I should have accomplished something great by now. I feel like I should have "made my mark" by now... in what, I don't really know, but in something. I have always had these grandiose dreams of doing great things or making a difference on some large scale, but I am not sure what that is really all about.
The past 6 months of transition have made me less sure and less confident about most questions concerning career, vocation, call and ministry. At the same time it has made me more sure and more confident about what those things don't look like. I am more aware of what are some of the non-negotiables in my life and the life of my family; elements of our life together and our life with others that we can not and will not live without from here on.
I am content in many ways, even more fulfilled that I have ever been before, and yet I am restless in others. I am asking a lot of questions to myself and of myself. I am seeking answers... passively at times and aggressively in moments. I am growing... as a person. I am learning some new things; about myself, about my marriage, about others, about being a Christ follower. I like our new pace of life; slower, more intentional, more communal, less hectic, less demanding, more available.
At some point I was rather clear about what my future would look like, but that vision is very blurry now. I am ok with that... I think. I just wish I were 5 years younger asking the questions that we are asking now and taking the actions in our lives that we are now pursuing. I have sought to encourage this in others, especially a few friends who recently graduated from college, and it has been very rewarding. I am happy with where we are at in the process... most days... and other days I simply don't know where we are at or where we are headed.
I enjoy our community. I enjoy our endeavor to discover community and mission. I enjoy discovering more about who I am. I enjoy conversations. I enjoy my daughter... so, so, so much (I feel so bad for those of you who don't know her, because she can make your day with one look... even if you aren't her father). I enjoy my wife... more each day (I feel so bad for those of you who don't get to see her often, because her presence is life giving. She is honest and sincere and real and funny and knows how to throw a great dance party for our family). I enjoy this place in my life, so 30 really isn't bad, it is just weird, because something is seemingly ending, even if it is an imaginary line. I hope to write more, but time will tell. I miss you all and hope to catch up on some of you through blogs and e-mails soon. peace.
6 comments
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Repentance and Confession
I taught at a gathering of believers in New Albany, Ohio on Saturday night (Dave/Jen Bs and crews), which is why I was absent from our local gathering. They follow the lectionary and also use a traditional liturgy at their gatherings. This altered the way I prepared for this time with them, as they typically teach from the Gospel Lesson during the Lenten season. Last week's gospel lesson was Luke 13:1-9, so we traveled through this passage and the teaching time became even more discussion oriented that I had originally planned. My main focus was Jesus' call for THE FAITHFUL to repent in verses 1-5. In this story,when those gathered around pointed an accusatory finger, Jesus basically said, "Do you think that you are any better than they are? I say, Repent or you will surely perish as they did." He reminds us that none of us are more deserving than others of forgiveness and all of us are in need of repentance, the same kind of daily repentance he demonstrates in the Lord's prayer.
I challenged this body of believers to live lives of daily repentance to God and of regular confession to one another. I challenged them to be vulnerable and real. I challenged them to stop hiding behind false self-righteousness. I played the first 2 minutes of Derek Webb's intro to "I Repent" on the "House Show" album, where he says things like, "I get so tired of trying to hide my sins" and "The best thing that could happen would be if your sins were broadcast on the 5 o'clock news" and "Take joy in the fact not that your sins are not real, but that they are real,and that your Savior's real". Then I played the song, where Webb reveals so many of the "lesser sins" (or so we seem to deem them) that many of us struggle with every day.The discussion was incredible for me.
One line we really wrestled with was, "i repent of trading truth for false unity". This is the life of "church as we have each known it"...false unity... and this is the life I see our local gathering seeking desperately to escape (and yet still falling to at times). We seek a true unity, a deep unity, a real, honest, intimate unity. We are tired of hiding our sins, our struggles, our inward and outward battles of the heart, soul and mind. As I spoke with this group I realized they had the desire for this as well, which is part of what makes us kindred. It also struck me that our group has actually begun to live this. One of the guys wrote a letter on our church's on-line discussion board (a tool we use to share thoughts throughout the week with the larger group) demonstrating the place we find ourselves.
I read his entry and he shared the type of things that I think each of us longs to share and each of us are GRATEFUL TO HEAR.We are grateful that he invited us to join him in that place he found himself. We are grateful that he trusted us to embrace him in his struggle. We are grateful that he trusted us to embrace him in the raw. We are grateful that he opened up a window to the room of his mind he was trapped in, and we see that as an invitation. What HE can be grateful for is that the window is now open and I am climbing through it, and I known I am not coming alone. our whole crew is waiting for their turn. We are coming into that room and if nothing else we will sit with him. We will sit. We will listen. We will pray. We will smile. We will cry... even when he can't. We will sit with each other. Through times that we don't cry and times that we do. Through times that we can't breath and times that we can't think. Through times that we can't see and times that we can't talk. And we will stand with each other and we will celebrate. We will celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and new births and date nights and dance parties and nice weather and great Frisbee sessions and gardens and first fruits and new friends and renewed lives.
I honestly think this all starts with repentance to God and confession to one another of where we are at... and when we need folks to sit with us or celebrate with us or simply listen to us.Transformational community springs to life from this kind of raw honesty and true unity of the spirit and mind is formed.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes"
-Derek Webb wrote this about me
3 comments
I challenged this body of believers to live lives of daily repentance to God and of regular confession to one another. I challenged them to be vulnerable and real. I challenged them to stop hiding behind false self-righteousness. I played the first 2 minutes of Derek Webb's intro to "I Repent" on the "House Show" album, where he says things like, "I get so tired of trying to hide my sins" and "The best thing that could happen would be if your sins were broadcast on the 5 o'clock news" and "Take joy in the fact not that your sins are not real, but that they are real,and that your Savior's real". Then I played the song, where Webb reveals so many of the "lesser sins" (or so we seem to deem them) that many of us struggle with every day.The discussion was incredible for me.
One line we really wrestled with was, "i repent of trading truth for false unity". This is the life of "church as we have each known it"...false unity... and this is the life I see our local gathering seeking desperately to escape (and yet still falling to at times). We seek a true unity, a deep unity, a real, honest, intimate unity. We are tired of hiding our sins, our struggles, our inward and outward battles of the heart, soul and mind. As I spoke with this group I realized they had the desire for this as well, which is part of what makes us kindred. It also struck me that our group has actually begun to live this. One of the guys wrote a letter on our church's on-line discussion board (a tool we use to share thoughts throughout the week with the larger group) demonstrating the place we find ourselves.
I read his entry and he shared the type of things that I think each of us longs to share and each of us are GRATEFUL TO HEAR.We are grateful that he invited us to join him in that place he found himself. We are grateful that he trusted us to embrace him in his struggle. We are grateful that he trusted us to embrace him in the raw. We are grateful that he opened up a window to the room of his mind he was trapped in, and we see that as an invitation. What HE can be grateful for is that the window is now open and I am climbing through it, and I known I am not coming alone. our whole crew is waiting for their turn. We are coming into that room and if nothing else we will sit with him. We will sit. We will listen. We will pray. We will smile. We will cry... even when he can't. We will sit with each other. Through times that we don't cry and times that we do. Through times that we can't breath and times that we can't think. Through times that we can't see and times that we can't talk. And we will stand with each other and we will celebrate. We will celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and new births and date nights and dance parties and nice weather and great Frisbee sessions and gardens and first fruits and new friends and renewed lives.
I honestly think this all starts with repentance to God and confession to one another of where we are at... and when we need folks to sit with us or celebrate with us or simply listen to us.Transformational community springs to life from this kind of raw honesty and true unity of the spirit and mind is formed.
-------------------------------------------------------------
"i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks in my own eyes"
-Derek Webb wrote this about me
3 comments
Saturday, March 03, 2007
We were so poor...
(disclaimer: for all of you wise guys I know we weren't poor compared to 97.4 % of the world, but work with me here because this is a fond memory and I learned a lot from the "lean times" of my family's life... a.k.a. my first 10 years)
that the neighbors would often look outside and wonder what those poor Smith kids were doing spraying each other with Windex, Pinesol, Shampoo and lotion. I guess we couldn't afford water guns, or else my parents were simply frugal, but we always saved any plastic bottle from around the house. Cleaning products, shower products, pump hair spray bottles... you name it, we saved it, cleaned it out repeatedly with hot water and soap and VOILA!
Water guns!!!!!!! Sort of.
I was taking out the trash and saw Kelly's enormous shampoo bottle in the bathroom trash. I thought, "that doesn't seem right seeing that in the trash." I remember how excited I would get when I saw the shampoo bottle getting a little low, or if I was doing chores and finished off the windex... NEW SQUIRT GUN!
My sister and I each fill up a few bottles and have at it. Shampoo bottles were good for a quick blast if the enemy was in close range, pump hair spray bottles were good for around the house and cooling down when we were hot, but the best of all were the bottles with the turning nozzles. FLEXIBILITY! We didn't get many of those, but when we did, it was priceless. One moment you were misting the person, conserving your water, the next you were shooting 'em down with the spray feature.
Oh, the memories. Thanks mom and dad! I am so grateful that we didn't grow up with lots of things, because I am now relearning that you don't need lots of things to live.
1 comments
that the neighbors would often look outside and wonder what those poor Smith kids were doing spraying each other with Windex, Pinesol, Shampoo and lotion. I guess we couldn't afford water guns, or else my parents were simply frugal, but we always saved any plastic bottle from around the house. Cleaning products, shower products, pump hair spray bottles... you name it, we saved it, cleaned it out repeatedly with hot water and soap and VOILA!
Water guns!!!!!!! Sort of.
I was taking out the trash and saw Kelly's enormous shampoo bottle in the bathroom trash. I thought, "that doesn't seem right seeing that in the trash." I remember how excited I would get when I saw the shampoo bottle getting a little low, or if I was doing chores and finished off the windex... NEW SQUIRT GUN!
My sister and I each fill up a few bottles and have at it. Shampoo bottles were good for a quick blast if the enemy was in close range, pump hair spray bottles were good for around the house and cooling down when we were hot, but the best of all were the bottles with the turning nozzles. FLEXIBILITY! We didn't get many of those, but when we did, it was priceless. One moment you were misting the person, conserving your water, the next you were shooting 'em down with the spray feature.
Oh, the memories. Thanks mom and dad! I am so grateful that we didn't grow up with lots of things, because I am now relearning that you don't need lots of things to live.
1 comments
Monday, January 29, 2007
Crash
I just got finished watching Crash for the very first time, and then the last 45 minutes a second time.
Oh my.
This is the best movie I watched in such a long time.
I feel so powerless.
I feel so powerless right now.
I feel so powerless to make any difference.
I know I am a bit behind on the times, but this moive caught me at the perfect time.
This movie makes my heart ache and leaves me searching for answers... and questions... and peace.
3 comments
Oh my.
This is the best movie I watched in such a long time.
I feel so powerless.
I feel so powerless right now.
I feel so powerless to make any difference.
I know I am a bit behind on the times, but this moive caught me at the perfect time.
This movie makes my heart ache and leaves me searching for answers... and questions... and peace.
3 comments
