Knots

I have some knots in my stomach and a little tension in my body, but a good tension. I am excited. I feel good about how the Lord is pushing me right now. I feel good about the things He is making me think about. I feel good about the areas in my life I have felt checked on in that gentle way that only a completely loving and in-love God can do.

It is 11:38pm, which is not late, but isn't too early either. I should be winding down, but inside I am rather wound up. It feels good, because I had almost forgotten what it feels like to be wound up, close to midnight, with no caffine pumping and only your thoughts and prayers to energize you.

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Vulnerability Dump

Thinking a lot... I need Christ more. I need to rest on Him more, to talk to Him more, to listen to Him more, to trust Him more. I need to slow down. I need to stop trying to figure it all out.

I just need to relax and talk to Jesus, more than I try to figure out what He does or doesn't want life/community/church to look like.

I am so mentally tired and spiritually blah...

I also need to find my self-worth and self-esteem in Him more than I do in others or in other things. I am so sick of that battle!

-just a brief moment of simple, utter, vulnerable honesty.

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Hospital Visits in Columbus

I had a hospital visit to go to in Columbus on Tuesday and had to be there at 7:30 am. We decided that me leaving between 5-5:30am wouldn't be safe, considering my morning driving skills, so I headed up Monday night to for a sleepover at the Ballengers. I didn't arrive until 11:15pm or so, but managed to keep Dave awake until 1:30am (or later). I couldn't of handeled being there and not getting a good talk in with him. I can generally survive on little sleep, but I am not sure how that impacted Dave the next day. Hopefully he was able to snag a nap in his office, or with the wee ones during nap time.

I spent a few hours with the family and decided to head out sometime after 10am to find Eric Stetler. I met him at the house, hugged Kerri, squeezed on Trey and Riley a bit and we took off for Stauf's. We stopped by Redcay's on the way, but left disheartened by the lack of answer. I was pretty pumped standing on Redcay's porch anticipating him opening that door, but my disappointment didn't last long, as Redcay showed up about 45 minutes later at Stauf's.

Such an awesome day. I was able to spend the next 3-4 hours with 3 guys I enjoy being around so much (we all met Dave B. for lunch). Our conversation hit on many areas and topics as I laughed my butt off. It is so relaxing to be in the presence of people you are comfortable with, people you have a history with, people who knew you and still know you. There is something about having years behind a friendship that does add a certain depth and quality. When people knew you when you were 18, it just feels like you are naturally more real and vulnerable and bare, because they know the truth. They remember the first time you mooned them. They remember the first time you questioned your faith. They remember the first time cussed or at least someone else out. They know you aren't perfect, so there is no reason acting like you are. You can relax... and just enjoy being yourself.

I think we have the power to give that quality of friendship and vulnerabilty to new friends, and I feel that I have in the past couple of years here. But... there is something about having a history together that just feel good and right. I am so long-winded. I could have just said I met those three for lunch and it made my month. Oh well.

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