Rare Form

The mission trip to Pascagoula was amazing. Convictions about life and community and church that I have been discussing with my family and little community over the past few months became a reality for me. Hard work was done, roofing homes was truely an act of worship, unity was realized, relationships were formed, solidified and nurtured.

I don't want to start writing too much about it because I couldn't stop. The result was a clear sign of new life in me. I was in rare form. I entered into a state I have not been in a few years. I began to operate out of this pure joy. The realization that what we had done in Mississippi is what we should be doing back home, became so real and natural to me.

On the 17 hour trip home I enjoyed one of the most entertaining road trips I have ever been on. My actions were reminiscient of me during my freshman year of college or my Point Loma days or the early days with the Ballmers and Hunsakers here in Findlay. If you were a part of any of those times in my life you may be able to identify what I am getting at. When I know I am doing exactlly what the Lord wants me to be doing and I am doing it in community and I feel united and at peace with my community a fire is ignited. My joy turns into pure enthusiasm for life and laughter and honesty and bonding. I develop this unquenchable need to spread joy to others and to give love selflessly. Somehow this mission trip unlocked that part of me. To be honest, it is a little embarrassing, because I can become quite hyper and a little out of control when I am in that mode... but it sure felt good to go there.

An hour after I was home the reality of the awkwardness surrounding the life of our church right now, but somehow The Lord was able to overcome that this morning and I was able to give life rather than suck it out of others, as I have fallen into the habit of lately.

So... the mission trip was AMAZING

Things my eyes were opened to in the past week or so:
*My attitude/actions at church/home have been very selfish rather than selfless for a while.
*My frustration/tension over church and what it could/should look like has pushed me toward a negative and critical nature
*I have been rather dead to most of those I go to Sunday church with, for quite some time... I just haven't invested myself in anything beyond hello and a quick smile.
*There is a need for renewal in me, which was begun, but not completed on the trip
*I have no clue what the Lord wants to do with our lives right now. I am in the wilderness, waiting for directions, but having a hard time discerning God's voice.