???The Gift of Preaching???

I believe in Scripture.
I believe that all Scriptuer is God-breathed and authoritative.
I believe there are some things I don't understand in it though.

One of those things...
The Gift of Preaching:
I can recognize it in others. I have definitely recognized the lack of it in many senior pastors. I know that it says in Ephesians that "some are called to p
I know that Jesus preached.
I know that the disciples preached on the day of Pentecost.
I know that Paul preached in the synagouges.

I preached on Sunday again. It was such a stressful week. Pastor Mike was out sick and then on vacation. I had an overnight called BLAST with the teens on Friday night. I had a 20 pager and an 8 pager to do for class... I have written all of this on here before I believe... in short there was a lot going on. I tried to be diligent. I sat down earlier in the week and worked hard to get stuff done, so that I could focus in on the sermon before BLAST. I practically cleared my docket and mind of everything by Friday AM so that I had all day to work on it. I spent a ton of time reading Scripture. Trying to hear God's voice. Seeking some guidance and wisdom. I felt He told me which way to go early Friday and pursued it. When I got back to it on Saturday evening the Lord confirmed that direction and I had a fun time writing it. Then came the practice session with Kelly at 12:30 AM on Saturday night/Sunday morning. I actually had to wake her up to do this! At the end I was convinced I couldn't do this, that it was going to be horrible if God didn't take over... and it would have been.

After the sermon the Lord sent so many more confirmations that He has given me the gift of preaching. So many wise people, loving people, honest peopel, GODLY people have come up to me and confirmed this in the past few months. One of the most radical, spirit-filled, amazing guys in our church said to me on his way out the door, "My wife and I have been talking about your gift. Don't run away from your calling James."

I don't know what that means. I guess the Lord has convinced me that one of my gifts is preaching, but I don't know how to apply that. I think the church is supposed to be much more of a community than what we see on a Sunday Morning. I think that preaching is somewhat ineffective with most people, who forget any point of the sermon by the next week. I think that people learn more about God by sharing their lives with each other, praying for one another and sharing what the Lord is revealing to them, than through a service with a talking head up front and 300 nodding (or drooping) heads in the pews.

If the church is supposed to be smaller, more communal, more intimate, more shared... then how does the gift of preaching apply to that? It would feel pretty pious and wierd to preach for 25 minutes to the community of 6-8 who meet in my home.

I am trying to understand this, struggle through this, figure this out. The reason this question impacts me so much is because I feel the Lord has specifically sent an all out assault on me to convince me of this gift. I have really run from this thing. I have tried to hide from it. I have tried to deny it even. What I do know, is that it is truly not me. It has got to be a gift, because what happens in our living room the night before is radically different than what happens in either service on Sunday Morning. When I surrender the message to Christ, He takes over and says what He wants. There are times I am literally up there talking and at the same time praying "Lord, just don't let me get in the way. Speak to us. Speak to me."

I don't know what this means.
I don't know what plans He has for me.
It was a lot more comforting to think I would be a youth pastor my entire life.
Now I don't know what He has in store, but I know it has to be centered around Christian community and I know I have to use the gifts He has given me.

Lord, I am a little scared.
Lord, lead me.
Lord, guide me.
Lord, don't let me get in the way.

WARNING: I wrote this entire entry and then realized that the "gift of Preaching" is nowhere to be found (at least in the RSV). Not in Romans 12. Not in 1 Corinthians 12. Not in Ephesians 4. In fact... here they all are to confirm it for you:

1 Corinthians 12:28-31
28 And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, then healers, helpers, administrators, speakers in various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? 30 Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret? 31 But earnestly desire the higher gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way.

Romans 12:6-8
6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; he who teaches, in his teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in his exhortation; he who contributes, in liberality; he who gives aid, with zeal; he who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Ephesians 4: 11-12
11 And his gifts were that some should be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, some pastors and teachers, 12 to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ,

So, I guess that means my "gift of preaching" is something else... teaching? pastoring? being an apostle? evangelizing? I have no clue. I think I am more confused now.
So what am I supposed to do with that?
I know my comments don't work, but click here and e-mail me if you can/could/would comment: jsmith@findlayfirstnaz.org