+-+Family+Posed.BMP)
I saw a line item that read:
"Jun 11 Jun 11 WENDY'S #0543 Q25 VAN WERT OH"
I sat there for a split second trying to place why I was in Van Wert on June 11th. The the line reappeared in my brain:
"Jun 11 Jun 11 GRANDMA'S FUNERAL. IT REALLY HAPPENED"
Suddenly my expense report has become very frivolous as I sit in my office trying to deal with this emotion of losing someone I love(d) so much. It doesn't seem real to me at all. It seems so distant, so hazy, so unbelievable. A recent picture of her is hanging on our fridge and I often look at it and laugh, thinking about how funny she is and how I can't wait to see her next time I go home. Then the sudden sadness sets in as I remember the reality I live in. She is gone.
Yes, I will see her some day, but I have no clue what that will look like. Folks say she is in heaven with Elijah and my baby brother Joshua, but there is no scripture to confirm that to my skeptical mind. I don't even know if I will remember her or if she will remember me when I get to heaven. I don't know if it will even matter then, but it matters now, and I keep find myself surprised by these sporadic bouts of sadness.
It stinks that these sad moments have dominated my random blogs of late. There is actually much joy and excitement in the air. We met with some amazing friends last night for an intimate time of "church". You can read more about it on Kelly's blog.
Her thoughts mesh with mine. I keep thinking I will tell the story of all that is happening in a once a day, seven part series. For those of your reading this who haven't talked to me much in the past 2 months, life is changing in some amazing ways (other than the fact that I have a beautiful child). The Lord has blown some doors open for us, and he continues to amaze us with God moments daily... conversations, "chance"/ordained encounters, revelations and visions of great things ahead. I will catch you up soon. For those of your with blogs, I caught up on all of you last night. Peace my friends.
3 comments:
I love you James! By the way I might have sent the invite to the wrong email, but Rick is coming to MVNU for the Estep prayer lectures this fall and I got him booked for dinner. It's the Wednesday night he's here, which I know is bad for you, but if you can make it. October 5, at my place. kp
What a joy to know that she went peacefully in her sleep. I often sit in her chair where she "passed over" and reflect on the memories God has blessed me with. This is the verse He gave to me today that I feel would describe her last moments on this earth as she sat in her chair and listened to her favorite Christian TV show: "I will both lie down in peace and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." (Psalm 4:8) Now she is walking all over Heaven ... no longer needing to use any cane! Praise the Lord! I miss her so but know that those last months were not "true living" for her as she often said, "What's the use of living?" She was ready.
Checking in on you and your blog. Inhale the Spirit as you continue to grieve and celebrate simultaneously.
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