This morning at 10:32am at Blanchard Valley Regional Hospital in Bluffton, Ohio; Halle Ruth Smith joined the world.
Halle is Kelly's great-grandmother's name, who was an amazing lady with an huge impact on Kelly's life and growth in the Lord. Ruth is my Grandma Clouse's (who passed 2 weeks ago tomorrow) middle name. She was one of my favorite people in the world and always will be. She had a profound impact on me, simply by being present, loving me, loving God and building me up bigger than I could ever live up to.
I love to have names with meaning to them. I am so glad that we were able to pick out two names than mean so much to us, and represent people who meant so much to us.
The lo-down: 5 lbs. 13.4 ozs. 19 inches long Dark Hair all over her head.
More details: Her cry sounds like a whimper. Her eyes have been open a ton. She has been generally pleasant all 5 1/2 hours of her short life, crying very little. This is the first moment I have spent away from her. She really loves dad (and mom). She has had 10 visitors (both sets of grandparents, Ami Olinger, Nancy Rook, Mike McClurg, Jessica Hart, Samantha Wooton and Brooklyn). Her beauty is astounding... or course.
We are so excited to be a family of three now, to be referred to as "James,Kelly and Halle", to need a table for 2 plus a sling for the carseat, to learn how to change diapers, to have a carseat base in both vehicles, to fall alseep with her on our chests, to be asked "How big is Halle now?", to join the league of people called parents, to have a daughter who will call us Mom and Dad.
We are excited.
Thanks for sharing in our joy! Pray for her continued health, growth and for our wisdom in this new adventure. Blessings!
After almost 2 years of sporadic blogging. After writing to Blogger.com multiple times with no response. After enabling and disabling my comments over 1 million times. After crying out to God, "Why Me! Why am I so stupid that I can't enable my comments!" After writing blogger 1 more time before I just started over on a new blog.
I dove into the html code today and produced the comments, live and in color, to be used freely by all. I hope that this will lead to more conversation, more interaction, more awareness of what is going on in my life and yours, and especially more comments on how cute my baby is when she is born on Monday (or before hopefully!!!).
If anything goes wrong on the comments e-mail me at the link at the top... I hope it works too.
This is my last Thursday as a non-father. This is mine and Kelly's last Thursday as a young married couple with no children. This is my last Thursday when my mind won't constantly be on my beautiful daughter at home.
Doc Brown said she wants to induce us on Sunday night. She finally confessed we are "high risk", and she sees no reason to keep a fully developed child in there any longer. To be honest, I am torn between wanting Halle here and wondering if it just fits better into Doc Brown's schedule. Make no mistake... I really like Deserene Brown M.D., but it just seems rushed or strange. Why can't we go natural, like we want to. It is so hard.
The thought is that she is safer out of a womb that has lost one before. I tend to disagree. I tend to think she is safest where her heavenly father wants her to be, and if he wanted her to come join us on the outside, he would make it happen.
My opinion doesn't matter much though. I respect the Dr. Kelly is VERY uncomfortable (with some flare up of the kidney stone tonight to boot). I am nervous that something could happen if we wait. I am scared that I am not ready to be a father. One comfort is that Kevin has been a dad for almost 5 days now and his child is doing fine. I figure we are going to be a week behind them the rest of our daughters lives. I will simply read his blog, learn from his mistakes and raise a perfect child. Thanks Kev!
This is my last Thursday to post a blog late at night, with Christ For the Nations worship blarring, with no worries of waking up a beautiful baby.
Her name was Juanita Rose Clouse. She made it clear throughout my life that I was one of her favorite people in the world. She adored me. I adored her.
It is so hard to lose someone who loves you so much, and whom you love so much. She made her love so clear to me. She always built me up. She always made me laugh. She always made me smile. She was so, so, so, so good to me.
She was my last surviving grandparent. That makes my 28th birthday (which just passed) seem a lot older. It makes me feel a little lonely, even though I still have 4 left on Kelly's side. All 4 of my grandparents played a huge role in my life. I lived with them at times. I went on road trips with them. I vacationed with them. I hung out with them. I shared with them. I helped them. They supported me as if I were a superstar, but Grandma Clouse was my biggest fan in the world.
I haven't cried yet. I knew this was coming. I even talked about it at a meeting I had tonight. They found spots 2 weeks ago on her pancreas, liver and elsewhere and we all knew what it was without the tests. She knew. She didn't want the tests. She was ready to go. I think she just let go. I am so glad she didn't have to suffer I guess. That was the one thing I was dreading with this recent news. I didn't want to have to watch her suffer for weeks, months, years.
She seemed so healthy in some regards. She did have some physical problems and Alzheimer’s , but she could still carry a sane conversation and sometimes the Alzheimer’s was fun... Like when we got to break the news that we were pregnant to her 7 times!!! She was more excited each time.
My second to last conversation with her was great. She made sense. She knew what was going on. She was aware. She was funny. She was present. She seemed so healthy.
Man, I am going to miss her!
My life circumstances have sucked lately... My friend's suicide, the kidney stones, deadlines pressing in, increasing stress at work due to all of these time-takers, being gone this entire week back and forth from District Assembly and BLAST. No time. No peace. No rest. I was actually feeling some relief tonight because of a cool new direction I feel the Lord has been leading me toward the past couple of weeks (through all of these rough circumstances). I had talked to Benji and Chris H. On the way home (from district assembly-1 hour) about it and was feeling energetic and pumped, amidst this storm, but this news just sucked it out of me. I don't understand.
So much pain. So much grief. So much the opposite of peace. Lord, if you are trying to teach me something, humble me, break me, whatever please find me ready and stop the onslaught of pain! I am broken. I am in pain. I am humbled... Aren't I?!? I want to be taught. I want to grow. I am trying to hear you, but this pain is melting my brain. I am becoming less capable of thought, less able to hear, less competent to understand. I need some relief. I feel pushed to the limit. You know how I was earlier tonight. Did this have to happen tonight?!?!?!?! One more thing? Please protect our baby. Please don't let anything happen to her. Please don't allow me to be tested in that way. I can not handle that kind of pain. I need relief Lord. I need relief.
Kelly and I went out for the first night of my birthday celebration weekend last Saturday. We enjoyed some amazing cuizine at Olive Garden (I had Stuffed Chicked Marsala), Kelly had Chicken Cacitaruaoidana. All I can tell you is that they are both amazing and you can click on this link to find out more. http://www.olivegarden.com/ourmenus/dinnermenu.asp
After dinner we went to see Star Wars III with some movie Coupons we had. We made it about 1/2 way through when Kelly started getting uncomfortable. She left the theatre once... twice and then said, "I think I might have kidney stone", as she excused herself once again. You may be asking, "How does Kelly know what a kidney stone feels like"? Well, she had one about 3 months ago, which was the most painful experience of her life, and left me in tears fearing I was losing her (before I knew what it was).
So, we went to Findlay Hospital, they gave her a shot of demoral (sp) and sent us on to Bluffton (where we will be delivering the baby). We were there all night, which was a blur of IVs, demoral, nubame, barfing, moaning and crying. We finally checked out at ten on Sunday night after a 24 hour stay.
On Monday night at 5 Kelly was out shopping for a picnic we were planning with friends when she was attacked again. She came home in tears, wondering if we should go back. I didn't think there was an option, so I packed our bags and we took off. Well, now it is 9:32pm on Wednesday night and Kelly is still in the hospital gown. I dimissed myself to prepare and go to youth group today, but have been there other than that for the past 48 hours+.
It is so hard to see someone you love go through so much pain, and go on and off drugs. She was doing so well yesterday. Our amazing friends (Hunsakers) came and brought us a lasagna birthday dinner (I turned 28), complete with salad, salad dressing in little containers, amazing breadsticks and settings for 6 (Ballmers came as well on their was out of town for 3 weeks). Then our other amazing friends (the Rooks) brought dessert, a birthday cake complete with angel food, cherries, marshmallow topping, and their three kids under 5 who we ADORE!
Kelly felt so well all day, but the hospital wanted to keep her, monitor the baby, etc, but she didn't have to take any drugs from 2am Tuesday, straight through till sleep time. Then this morning came. She woke up in pain, and it only got worse. She has been wincing all day, moaning when the drugs wear off and crying alot. She feels bad about how she feels. She feels bad about it being my birthday weekend. She feels bad that she is drugging our unborn baby. She just feels bad. I just want her to feel GOOD! I don't want her to cry. I don't want her to wince. I don't want her to be in pain.
I hate Kidney Stone. I am not sure why God created them... or if they are part of the curse... but I hate Kidney Stones. If you hate them as well, let me know.
Seriously, Pray for Kelly. There has been some talk about them inducing her early if this keeps up, and they already decided today to keep her indefinitely. She needs to get through this and pass this stone, so she can enjoy her first child birth, the way she wants it to be.